The True Resume of JOHN F. KERRY
Hello. My name is John Kerry and I'm running for President, I think.
Please consider my qualifications as set forth in the following
resume.
NAME: JOHN KERRY
RESIDENCE:
Seven mansions, including Washington DC, worth multi-millions.
EDUCATION:
College:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average.
Unlike my counterpart George Bush, I have no higher education and
did not get admitted to Harvard nor graduate with an M.B.A
MILITARY EXPERIENCE:
I used three minor injuries to get three Purple Hearts and an early
discharge from the military and service in Vietnam.
I then returned to the US, joined Jane Fonda in protesting the war,
and insulted returning Vietnam vets, claiming they committed atrocities
and were baby killers.
I threw my medals, ribbons, or something away in protest. Or did I?
My book "Vietnam Veterans against the War: The New Soldier" shows
how I truly feel about the military.
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress in 1972 and have been there ever since.
As the voters in Massachusetts can attest, in my 32 years, not a
single piece of legislation bears my name.
I have no real world experience except marrying rich women and
running HJ Heinz Co. vicariously through my present wife, Teresa.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS US SENATOR:
I set the record for the most liberal voting record, exceeding even
Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton.
I have consistently failed to support our military and CIA by voting
against budgets, thus gutting our country's ability to defend
itself.
Although I voted for the Iraq War, now I am against it and refuse
to admit that I voted for it. I voted in favor of every liberal piece of
legislation.
I have no plan to help this country but I intend to raise taxes
significantly if I am elected. I make no or little charitable
contributions and have never agreed to pay any voluntary excess
taxes in MA, despite family wealth in excess of $700 million.
I voted to cut every law enforcement, CIA and defense bill in my
career as a US Senator.
I ordered Boston to remove a fire hydrant in front of my mansion,
thereby endangering my neighbors in the event of fire.
Although I claim to be in favor of alternative energy sources, Ted
Kennedy and I oppose windmills off Nantucket and Martha's Vineyard
as it might spoil our view of the ocean as we cruise on our yachts.
REFERENCES:
None.
PERSONAL:
My wealth so far exceeds that of my counterpart most members in
Congress and they will never catch up.
I ride a Serotta bicycle ($6500).
My Gulfstream V Jet I call "The Flying Squirrel."
I named my $850,000 42 foot Hinckley twin diesel yacht the
"Scarmouche. "
I don't own any SUVs but my family does, including one parked at my
Nantucket summer mansion, though I am against large polluting
inefficient vehicles and blame George Bush for the energy problems.
I am fascinated by rap and hip-hop and you had better listen to it
as it reflects our real culture.
PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004
GZ |
