ANGERED BY SNUBBING, LIBYA, CHINA, SYRIA FORM "AXIS OF
JUST AS EVIL"
Cuba, Sudan, Serbia form "Axis of Somewhat Evil";
Other Nations Start Own Clubs
Beijing (SatireWire.com) - Bitter after being snubbed
for membership in the "Axis of Evil", Libya, China,
and Syria today announced they had
formed the "Axis of Just as Evil", which they said
would be way eviler than that Iran-Iraq-North Korea
axis President Bush warned of in his State of the
Union address.
MEMBERSHIP CLOSED
Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed
the new axis as having, for starters, a really dumb
name. "Right. They are Just as
Evil... in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader
Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best at being
evil."
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over
being excluded, although they conceded that they did
ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They
told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar
al-Assad. "An Axis can't have more than three
countries," explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein.
"This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II
you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the Evil Axis. So
you can only have three. And a secret handshake - ours
is wicked cool."
THE AXIS PANDEMIC
Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain
triumvirate status in what became a game of
geopolitical musical chairs. Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia
said they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil",
forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the
"Axis of Occasionally Evil", while Bulgaria, Indonesia
and Russia established the "Axis of Not So Much Evil
Really As Just Generally Disagreeable".
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the
desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador,
and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of Countries
that Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to
Host the Olympics Any Time Soon"; Canada, Mexico, and
Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are
Actually Quite Nice But
Secretly Have Nasty Thoughts About America", while
Spain, Scotland, and New Zealand established the "Axis
of Countries That Allow Sheep to Wear Lipstick".
"That's not a threat, really, just something we like
to do," said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack
McConnell.
Bush granted approval for most axes, although he
rejected the establishment of the "Axis of Countries
Whose Names End in 'Guay'", accusing one of
its members of filing a false application. Officials
from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the
charges.
Israel and Switzerland, meanwhile, insisted they
didn't want to join any Axis, but privately, their
leaders said that's only because no one asked
them. |
