In the beginning God created the heavens and the Earth. And the Earth was
without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And Satan
said, "It doesn't get any better than this."
And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. And God said, "Let
the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree
yielding fruit," and God saw that it was good.
And Satan said, "There goes the neighborhood."
And God said, "Let us make Man in our image, after our likeness, and let them
have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air and over
the cattle, and over all the Earth, and over every creeping thing that
creepeth upon the Earth." And so God created Man in his own image; male and
female created he them. And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they
were lean and fit.
And Satan said, "I know how I can get back in this game." And God populated
the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow
vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double
cheeseburger.
And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?" And Man said, "Supersize
them." And Man gained 5 pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that
man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth chocolate. And Woman gained 5 pounds. And God said,
"Try my crispy fresh salad." And Satan brought forth Ben and Jerry's ice
cream. And Woman gained 10 pounds. And God said, "I have sent thee
heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."
And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter.
And Man gained 10 pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.
And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra
pounds.
And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to
toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained another 20
pounds.
And God said, "You're running up the score, Satan." And God brought forth the
potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into
chips and deep-fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip also.
And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips dripping with
cholesterol. And Satan saw and said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac
arrest.
And God sighed, and created quadruple bypass surgery.
So Satan created HMO's. |
