By Paul Farhi

Tuesday , March 21, 2000 ; C01 

We're feeling for Michael Saylor. Yesterday, the fuzzy-cheeked mogul who runs MicroStrategy Inc. of Vienna lost
$6.2 billion in paper profits when his company's stock swooned 62 percent. That performance brought Saylor's
personal losses during the past 10 days to nearly $10 billion. Alarmingly, he's now down to his last $3.8 billion.

How does the man cope? Here are the top 10 ways losing $10 billion cramps your lifestyle.

10. Online university? Try online preschool.

9. Plan to purchase entire American League now on indefinite hold.

8. Need extra therapy sessions to handle shift from being obscenely rich to merely disgustingly rich.

7. Wallet no longer leaves attractive bulge in pants.

6. Darva Conger won't return phone calls.

5. Girlfriend starts making snide cracks about the real meaning of "MicroStrategy."

4. Only $10 billion? Pentagon officials think you're an amateur.

3. Can still have lunch with Dow, but not Jones.

2. That chilly feeling? Yahoo envy.

1. "Show me the . . . " Oh, the hell with it.