LOM Investment Application Form
New Investors ...please complete before posting to thread:
Current Investors ... Please update before continuing to post
All Past Investors must fill out the following form COMPLETELY and submit before bashing;
Thank you for your cooperation.
Age: ___________________________
(Note: Not your real age, just similar to your investment mentality)
Shoe size (left): __________________
Shoe size (right): _________________
Occupation:
________Thread Moron
________Analyst
________Parking Lot Attendant
________Investment Advisor
________Attorney Looking for Clients
________"Ultra" specialist
________Thread Lurker
________Head of Your School's Investment Club
________Provocateur
________Submissive and Willing Partner Looking for Others
________Unemployed
Spouses Names: ___________________ ________________________
____________________ ________________________
____________________ ________________________
____________________ ________________________
____________________ ________________________
Relationship with spouse:
________Sister
________Brother
________Aunt
________Cousin
________Mother
________Father
________Son
________Daughter
________own pet
________neighbor's pet
Number of children living in household: ____________
Number that are yours: ____________
Mother's Name: ________________________________
Father's Name: ________________________________ (If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Do you (____) own or (____) rent your mobile home?
Total number of vehicles you own : __________
Total number of vehicles that still crank : __________
Number of vehicles in front yard : __________
Number of vehicles in back yard : __________
Number of vehicles on cement blocks : __________
Recent procedures by your physician:
___________ Rectal exam (enema also counts)
___________ Frontal lobotomy
___________ Prescription for viagra
___________ Removal of cerebral hairballs
___________ The Lorraine Bobbitt "short cut"
___________ Grade school physical (turn your head, now, cough?)
___________ Still waiting to have my head examined?
Your personality profile:
___________ Passive-aggressive
___________ Clueless (participation on this thread just exacerbates the condition)
___________ Just angry all the time
___________ Scorched earth apostle
___________ Bitter and twice divorced
___________ Annoying
___________ Investor with learning disabilities
___________ Too stupid to know
Firearms you own and where you keep them:
In my truck : __________
In my bedroom : __________
In the bathroom : __________
In the kitchen : __________
In the shed : __________
Model and year of your pickup: __________________ 194___.
Do you have a gun rack? ______ Yes ______ No (please explain)
Preferred method of picking stocks:
___________ Hot tip from my broker
___________ Ouiji board
___________ Recommendation from Money Magazine
___________ Tea leaves
___________ Ask the 15 year old kid from New Jersey
___________ SI Café recommendations
___________ Psychics on-line
Why are you on this thread?
___________ Looking for friends
___________ Freeloading and don't want to admit it
___________ Venting my hostile tendencies
___________ Handicapped and need a place to park
___________ Fantasizing about stocks is better than sex
___________ Dispensing worthless investment advice
___________ It's better than watching paint dry
___________ Engaging in self-destructive behavior
___________ Hyping my holdings in Bavarian Ovarian Meat Business (BOMB)
___________ Trolling for subscribers to my stock investment newsletter
___________ Need to add more fuel to the long list of things I've been wrong about
___________ Can't think of anything else to do
___________ Looking for plaintiffs for a class action lawsuit
___________ Need a dose of intellectual honesty
___________ Just killing time while waiting for the mother ship
___________ Don't have a woman upstairs waiting for me
___________ Bashing stocks I can't afford to buy
___________ Short of running the mafia, this thread is as good as it gets
___________ Practicing my writing skills
___________ The guards let me
___________ Trying to use up my 20 free hours a month
___________ Need a place to take my crap and then leave
___________ General sophistry purposes
Who is your favorite CNBC investment commentator?
___________ Silvia "Broom Hilda" Wadhwa (Frankfurt)
___________ Ron "Brillcream" Insana
___________ Joe "Pompador" Kernan
___________ Jim "Frog Eyes" Cramer
___________ David "I'm Sooo Smart and I Know It" Faber
___________ Mark "They Don't Pay Me Enough to Do This" Haines
What is your investment style?
___________ Mo-Mo
___________ Disco trading
___________ Buy high, sell low
___________ Sheep in the herd
___________ Averaging down
___________ Getting back to even
___________ Jetstreaming
___________ March to the beat of a different drummer
___________ Short and proud of it
What internet developments are most exciting to you:
___________ Sears selling appliances over the net
___________ Prodigy Classic
___________ email
___________ On-line chat rooms
___________ Merrill Lynch on-line trading
___________ Yahoo personal ads When was the last time you had an original idea?
___________ What do you mean by that
___________ Never had one before
___________ It's been so long I can't remember
What is the latest technology upgrade you have made?
___________ Replaced a light bulb
___________ Installed "The Club" on my steering wheel
___________ Upgraded the beads on my abacus
___________ Went shopping for work boots
___________ Bought a tape rewinder for my VCR
___________ Hooked up a window fan
___________ Recently ordered the George Foreman "Grilling Machine"
What does the chair in front of your computer look like?
___________ Puffy styrofoam bean bag
___________ The white porcelain one in the bathroom
___________ Three legged stool
___________ Plastic deck lounger
___________ Judge's bench
___________ Don't have a computer
___________ Recline-O-Matic
___________ Still saving for one
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
___________ The National Enquirer
___________ The Globe
___________ TV Guide
___________ Soap Operage Digest
___________ Guns & Ammo
Electronic devices you own:
___________ Remote control
___________ Weed wacker
___________ Water heater
___________ Wrist watch with lighted dial
___________ Transistor radio
___________ Makita sawsall
___________ Dial telephone
___________ Vibrator
___________ Electronic grill ignition system
___________ Atari computer
___________ Garage door opener
Modem speed:
___________ 2.4 K per second
___________ Don't have a phone
___________ Woooaahh. What's a modem?
___________ Use walkie-talkies instead
What do you do for entertainment:
___________ Just hang out
___________ Fish and cut bait
___________ Look at the pictures in girlie magazines
___________ Go bowling with the team
___________ Push my walker around Evanston
___________ Polish my Weber kettle
___________ Peruse the Victoria's Secret web-site
___________ Play another round
___________ Change the oil in my driveway
___________ Aerate my compost pile
Number of times you've seen a UFO : ____________
Number of times you've seen Elvis : ____________
Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO : ____________
What are your previous real estate investments:
____________ Time share condo
____________ Desert with great view
____________ Remote mountain cabin (next to Ted Kaczinski's)
____________ Swamp land
____________ Condo conversion reconverted to apartments
What plant does your character most closely resemble:
____________ Diffembachia
____________ Prickly pear cactus
____________ Dutch elm (diseased)
____________ Crab grass
____________ The dead ones on my kitchen counter
What is the best trade you ever made:
____________ Food stamps for baseball cards
____________ Stock tips for Beanie babies
____________ Brains for scrapple
____________ Manners for attitude
____________ Bought Amazon at $400/share
____________ Shorted Ebay at $36/share
____________ Haven't started trading yet (not old enough)
What is your favorite saying:
____________ This pig of a stock
____________ I'll see you in court
____________ Like totally, for sure
____________ Ho,ho,ho
____________ If only I bought Dell in 1995
____________ What do the "up" arrows mean
____________ Yeah, un-huh, right, right, right
____________ Where is that dog with flea
____________ Does anybody have real-time quotes
Where did you see your latest bubble:
____________ In a pot (boiling water bubble)
____________ In the bath tub (soap bubble)
____________ In the garden (the tulip thing)
____________ In the mirror (chewing gum bubble)
____________ In the steel mill where I work (industrial revolution bubble)
____________ In a tar pit (end of the dinosaur thing)
How often do you bathe:
_________ Weekly
_________ Monthly
_________ Don't Have Any Indoor Plumbing
_________ Not Applicable
Color of teeth:
_________ Yellow
_________ Brownish - Yellow
_________ Brown
_________ Black
_________ Don't have them any more
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
_________ Red-Man
_________ Green-Man
_________ Blue-Man-Group
_________ just "Man", any man
How far is your trailer from a paved road?
_________ 1 mile
_________ 2 miles
_________ Don't know
How many dead animals do you have hanging on the walls?
_________ 007
_________ 13
_________ Oh, lots of them !!!!!
_________ Don't rush me, I'm still learning to count
How did you collect your prized dead animals?
__________ shot them
__________ bought them
__________ stole them
__________ road kill
__________ got them from eBay, and I'm proud of my invesment
We appreciate your participation on this matter.The information you provide will help us better understand the circumstances that support your
point of view. |
