“when you don't even recognize the difference between a horse and an ass it's certainly not surprising that you don't have the foggiest clue as to what "The Gospel" is.”
If I called you an ass but another person called you a ’horse’s ass’--who would be correct?? By the way, you’ve reminded me of when Jesus stole the donkey, then goes berserk in the temple, then goes psychotic on a fig tree. Maybe you should read the gospels so you would know what is in them!!
Matthew 20-21
"Go to the village ahead of you, and at once you will find a donkey tied there, with her colt by her. Untie them and bring them to me. If anyone says anything to you, tell him that the Lord needs them, and he will send them right away." - Matthew 21:2-3
The first parable of the day is about a man with a vineyard. At the beginning of the day he hires some men and promises to pay them one denarius (however much that is) for their day's work. About every hour, he finds more people standing around and hires them as well. At the end of the day, he pays everyone one denarius. This includes the people that have only worked one hour. The original people he hired, who worked twelve hours, obviously have a problem with this and confront the land owner. The land owner says this:
Friend, I am not being unfair to you. Didn't you agree to work for a denarius? Take your pay and go. I want to give the man who was hired last the same as I gave you. Don't I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?
Jesus says this is how it will be (he doesn't say where or when), the last will be first, and the first will be last. Why is this supposed to make us want to follow Jesus? I can't think of any good implications from this parable. Jesus is pro unfairness in the workplace?
Next, a mother approaches Jesus and asks if her sons can sit at Jesus's right and left. Jesus says no, because a place at his right and left is not for him to grant. He says that those places have been reserved by God. I really don't know what the implication is here.
In the next chapter, Jesus is finally ready for his triumphant entrance into Jerusalem. As usual, he remembers the prophecies, and realizes that he needs to ride in on a donkey. Not having a donkey, he uses his psychic powers to figure out that there is a donkey and a colt tied up in the village ahead. He sends two disciples ahead and tells them to take the donkey and the colt. If anyone approaches them, they are supposed to tell them that the Lord needs the colt and the donkey. The Lord needs them? That's definitely my new excuse if I ever steal anything. (HA HA!!)
Jesus says that he will return them right away. But does he? The bible never says. Not that stealing isn't stealing if you promise to return it. I think taking without asking would fall under anyone's reasonable definition of "stealing". Which brings up the big question, didn't Jesus just sin? Remember that little "do not steal" commandment?
Upon entering Jerusalem, Jesus "drives out" all the people buying and selling in the temple area. He then runs around overturning tables and benches of those doing business there. Isn't Jesus having a bit of a temper tantrum? What happened to turn the other cheek? Maybe that passage was smudged. Maybe it really read "Turn the other cheek, then break their shit." Jesus's reasoning for his tantrum is that people aren't supposed to be buying and selling in the temple area.
Then Jesus really goes off the deep end. Hungry after his little hissy fit, Jesus goes to a fig tree to pick (read "steal") some figs. When the fig tree has no figs, Jesus says "may you never bear fruit again" and kills the fig tree. What? I guess the takeaway from this is that if you're ever hungry, and a fruit tree doesn't have fruit, you should chop that bastard down. It's lack of fruit is obviously a personal affront to anyone that is hungry in it's general vicinity.
Jesus's disciples come up to him and ask him how that fruit tree whithered so quickly. Jesus says that if they had faith they could not only kill fig trees, but they could toss mountains into the ocean. That's great Jesus. Don't use your powers for good things. No, that's not impressive enough. Use your powers to kill plants and toss mountains into the ocean (which would cause terrible tsunamis by the way). Jesus ends by again saying (with no qualification) that whatever you ask for will be given to you if you believe.
Jesus enters the temple courts, and the priests approach him. They ask him by what authority he does these things. I assume they're talking about trashing the temple market. Jesus, instead of answering, asks where John the baptist's authority came from. He gives them two options, from heaven, or from men. The priest discuss it, and decide that they don't know. Jesus says that since they can't answer his question, he's not answering theirs. Why the hell not? Why can't Jesus tell them by who's authority he's trashing temples, stealing donkeys, and killing fig trees?
Jesus ends the chapter with two more parables. The first parable is about a man with two sons. He asks his first son to go work in the vineyard. The first son tells his father no, but changes his mind later and goes to work. The man then asks his second son to go work. His second son says he will go work, but later changes his mind and stays home. Jesus asks the people which son did what the father asked. They answer "the first". Jesus somehow concludes that this means tax collectors and prostitutes are entering the kingdom of heaven before the Israelites.
By the way, what does Jesus have against tax collectors? Shouldn't he have a problem with the king/emperor who's demanding that taxes be collected in the first place? He's obviously never heard of "don't kill the messenger".
The second parable is about a landowner and his tenants. The landowner rents his land to the tenants and tells them to harvest his fruit for them. The landowner then goes away on a journey. When the landowner sends his servants to go collect his share of the fruit, the tenants kill the servants. After sending a few more rounds of servants, the landowner finally sends his son, who is also killed. Jesus asks the crowd what the landowner should do to the tenants.
The crowd says that the landowner should kill the tenants and put in new, more obedient, tenants. Jesus says this is what God is going to do to the people. God is going to take away the earth from us undeserving people and give it to people who will "produce fruit". So much for Jesus preventing God's wrath.
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