SEC News Release
COMMISSION ANNOUNCES FBN MANIPULATION PROCEEDINGS
Washington, DC, June 1, 1998, US Gov't Printing Office. The Securities and Exchange Commission announced this morning that it has commenced disciplinary proceedings against insiders of FBN Associates ("FBN") for alleged post manipulation practices on Silicon Investor ("SI"). The disciplinary proceedings represent the culmination of a two month investigation involving the monitoring of certain discussion threads on SI as well as searching the insiders' bathroom walls for evidence of the manipulation. The urgency of the investigation was heightened early yesterday when one Janice Shell, Vice President - Investor Relations of FBN, snagged the 1,000th post on the FBN discussion thread.
The FBN insiders involved in the alleged post fixing scheme include the ubiquitous Ms. Shell, FBN CEO TEDennis, FBN CFO Norma, and an individual known only as MrB. The SEC is currently negotiating with the Italian government to extradite Ms. Shell from her cozy digs in Milan to face these serious charges. Mr. Dennis was last seen racing towards Milwaukee on his Harley. The SEC has settled all charges against MrB in exchange for MrB's promise to not violate securities laws in the future and his agreement to design a new web page for the SEC to replace the woefully inadequate page the SEC currently uses.
In a prepared statement, a low level SEC bureaucrat confirmed the Commission's intent to rid SI of these post-poaching practices. "These individuals who insist on grabbing the good post numbers for no reason other than their own personal satisfaction are a menace to the internet and must be stopped. Our crack team of staff attorneys, which includes former students of Anita Hill and that idiot cowboy looking lawyer who thinks he knows everything about every case currently pending in the Western Hemisphere, has dropped everything to focus on drafting rules which will rid the internet of this practice once and for all."
In an unrelated announcement involving FBN, the SEC praised FBN for its policy of full and fair disclosure, specifically its use of press releases to get the information that matters most to security holders in a timely fashion. |
