I don't think George has the mania. Or even the usual depression, from his description.
I don't know if I can be described as having the disease of clinical depression. I wonder what a shrink would say. Both of my experiences, one much worse, and lasting longer, than the other, were triggered by deep emotional trauma, loss and grief. With time, and w/o meds, each passed.
I noticed that George mentioned the horror of thinking it will never end. I get depressed from time to time (I thought everyone did. No?), but except once, I've always fully understood it was a "mood" and would pass.
The one time involved grief which I thought would never end. I remember the exact moment and place when I realized it would, or at least would become background. And this shows how important friendship is.
A friend, S, who is still my closest friend, she's more like a sister, actually, called me up and said, "You and N are going to the city tomorrow. You are going to bring the baby to me in the morning and stay out all day. I won't take no for an answer."
We did this, though more to humor her I think than because we had the spirit for it. We went to the Museum of Modern Art and spent several hours there.
When we left the Museum, and crossed fifty third street, turning onto Fifth Avenue, I realized suddenly that several seconds had passed during which I had not thought about my daughter's condition. I remember the dark glass in the window of the store we were passing at that moment, and seeing my reflection in it, and seeing that I looked like a normal person who could have a life. All it took was a few seconds for me to know that some day, somehow, the suffering might stop.
People with George's condition don't get that few seconds, and also, they never know when the suffering will start again. |
