That was very funny... and obviously a parody (which I am obliged to point out given so many humor bone-less lawyers out there (g)). Here's the original version:
BULLETIN: LAWSUIT UPDATE!
by: yukonicom 02/27/01 01:01 pm EST
Msg: 78751 of 80580
ETOYS MESSAGE BOARD POSTERS SUE SELVES
(Reuters, February 27, 2001, Los Angeles) A number of posters to the eToys Yahoo stock message board announced today that they are filing a class action lawsuit against themselves for "gross negligence, ignorance and deception" based on their own posts of the last several months.
A spokesman for the group, eulaine2001, said she hoped the suit, "would send a message to morons like us everywhere that we need to be protected from ourselves."
Another poster using the ID, u_p_t_i_c_k, demanded that a court-ordered "cease-and-desist" action be implemented immediately.
"Have you seen my posts from today?" the incredulous u_p_t_i_c_k asked. "This is insane. The courts must stop me from doing any further harm to myself. I'm going insane!"
A poster identified as "learningman63" noted that he believed every bogus buyout rumor that came along.
"The one about eToys being bought out by a Communist government is the one I feel will make me millions in court," learningman said. "I mean, can you believe it> I actually BELIEVED that the ###### were gonna' save my sorry ass position! I DESERVE to be sued by myself for that!"
Other posters concurred.
"Those lying bastards, of which I am one, deserve to be slapped hard in Federal court," said pathfinder012001. "I'm one of the primary posters and supporters of bogus buyout rumors. Somebody needs to stop me before I invest again!"
A poster known as "hermcz" said his purported expertise should be "thrown back in my face by the courts."
"I know next to NOTHING about trading stocks," herm said at the press conference. "Me giving investment advice is like having Madonna preach abstinence to high school kids. I'm sick and tired of my incompetence. That's why I'm suing me."
eulaine2001 wrapped up the conference without taking questions from reporters.
"God forbid I make a bigger ass out of myself than I already have," she said. "I'm emptying my piggy banks now because I know my suit against myself is likely to succeed."
A court date was scheduled for March 17.
messages.yahoo.com |
