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Pastimes : FLAME THREAD - Post all obnoxious/derogatory comments here

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To: Rainy_Day_Woman who wrote (12704)12/15/2005 7:47:44 PM
From: Druss  Read Replies (2) of 12754
 
Druss--Computer guru.
This is all true, no names were changed because there are no innocents.

Several days ago an exgirl friend got a used computer. This would not normally concern me but it was her first computer and it came with a full software suite of every virus and trojan yet developed. So she turned to phoning me to fix this problem.
I started off telling her to download AVG and then run it to clean the infection out. This failed because her computer skills were not such that she could get past the download to installation. So on the advice of others she got Norton Antivirus and ran that. Plus she contacted her server Charter Internet for advice and they spotting a ripe one told her to get Charter High Speed Security. Shortly after this she called me and asked me to come over because her computer was taking 'forever' to load up and then get on the net. So I went over last night.
What I discovered was it did indeed take 'forever' to do anything on her computer and despite her efforts she still had a surviving trojan. Norton couldn't remove trojan or quarantine it and I was able to determine the value of the Charter system as Charter would keep giving forth popups that said 'You have this trojan, then give the steps for Charter Security to remove it.' Then these steps would fail and it would say how it was unable to remove it but it was renaming it. Then normally about five minutes later Charter would once again signal via popups there was a trojan and take me though the steps needed to rename it. Since it never did give it any of the names I had come up with for it, I completely lost faith in it.
I guessed that the multiple antivirus programs were slowing down her machine and decided to delete Norton. It took 'forever' to do so. Then I downloaded Mozilla and told her to use that. Got Zone Alarm firewall up and running and suddenly this computer was running fast and doing very well. At this time the properly grateful lady asked if I would like to go hot tubbing at a local spa and she would treat me as a reward. Since swim suits are not good form in a hot tub this meant I was going to finish off this evening with a less than seminaked lady. Life was looking very good. At this point though she asked if I could get the AVG antivirus going and maybe it would take out the surviving trojan. I did.
The computer promptly went into an infinite loop where it would start up then seem to be ready to go and then shut down only to start up again. It would not give me time to delete the AVG. Finally I got the computer in Safe Mode and deleted AVG. Got it restarted and it went back into the infinite loop. This is when I really started hating her computer. Hating inanimate objects is not something one should normally do. However computers and cars know what they are doing and do it to you deliberately.
I had a good battle to get the computer back into Safe Mode, then do a system restore. I only had to go back one day to restore it. That put back everything I had spent two hours fixing. So I had to start over. Now Norton knew what I was up to and really took 'forever' to be deleted. The hot tub faded into the distance and vanished. My hate began to truly blossom. I hated that computer and I hated that woman for having me deal with it. She could have inflicted this misery on someone I hated. It would have been easy enough to find that appropriate someone on my hate list as it contained the names of everyone in the known universe.
I got home from this at 1 am. I had to get up at 5 am.
I have calmed down now though and I am back in the computer consulting business. The hot tub payment now is in advance and you had better have a more than passing resemblance to the super model of my choice.
Druss
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