Dick Cheney rated country's funniest politician:
Plans are being discussed as to who will replace Dick Cheney if he has to resign for health reasons. It's not easy for President Bush, he can't just name a replacement. He would first have to be confirmed by the oil, gas and power companies.
- Jay Leno, on Dick Cheney
The Vice President returns from hospital - doctors say he will be up and using the military to protect the oil interests of his millionaire friends in no time.
- Jon Stewart, on Dick Cheney
Last night was a very special evening at the White House. And I'm pleased to say that none of the silverware is missing.
- Dick Cheney, on the Republican Governor's Association White House dinner
It was pretty exciting - so exciting that, at one point, Dick Cheney sat up in his gurney.
- David Letterman, on Bush's address to Congress
This was beyond hair-trigger. This is somebody who has such a visceral reaction to anybody questioning him that he just flattens you.
- Ellen Tauscher, on Dick Cheney
Vice President Cheney is on his way to the Middle East. This is called "Operation Avoid Enron Subpoena."
- Jay Leno, on Dick Cheney
The White House again refused to turn over discussions Vice President Cheney had with Enron officials over energy policy. Cheney said if he had to disclose every time some business donated a ton of money then came in to write its own policy to govern itself, he wouldn't get any work done.
- Dennis Miller, on Dick Cheney
It was cold today. I was rubbing my hands together more than Dick Cheney at an Enron payday.
- Jay Leno, on Dick Cheney
Dick Cheney finally responded today to demands that he reveal the details of the Enron meetings. This is what he said. He met with unnamed people, from unspecified companies, for an indeterminate amount of time at an undisclosed location. Thank God he cleared that up. I'm ready to move on.
- Jay Leno, on Dick Cheney
According to doctors, George Bush has the lowest heartbeat ever recorded by someone in the White House. Well, second lowest. Dick Cheney got his down to zero a couple of times.
- Jay Leno, on Dick Cheney
Earlier tonight, President George Bush delivered his first address before joint houses of Congress and I believe the speech went over pretty well. It was interrupted 97 times by applause, and it was interrupted three times by Dick Cheney's heart attacks.
- David Letterman, on Dick Cheney |
