MUD WRESTLING BUSH, KERRY DENY DIRTY POLITICS
03/15/04 MADISON SQUARE GARDEN, New York
Both President Bush and Senator John Kerry denied slinging political mud at each other this weekend as critics weighed in on their respective attack ads.
"There's been no mudslinging coming from this side," Bush insisted Sunday morning while shoveling mud into a large, pie-shaped mold.
"What mud? I don't see any mud," Kerry echoed around noon while mixing dirt and water in a large vat.
Observers of the electoral process disagreed strongly with the candidates' denials.
"If it looks like mud, smells like mud, and feels like mud," noted a spokesman for RotoReuters, the international press service, "it probably ain't chocolate pudding." (RealStory @ reuters.com)
"Mud has definitely been seen flying through the air," added media critic Kirk Howards. "Usually, rain falls from the sky and dirt stays on the ground. Though you gotta admit, dirty politics is as American as mud pie."
Even the normally reserved Voice of America has characterized Bush and Kerry's ads as dirty, calling them "chock full o' mud. Muddy as a Mississippi delta pig sty. Muddy as a head-on collision between a dump truck and an Evian tanker." (RealStory @ voa.com)
By late Sunday evening, any pretense of a clean election vanished, however, when the president and the senator met in a vicious mud wrestling match on World Wrestlin' Entertainment's blockbuster pay-per-view, MudwrestleMania XX.
Veteran announcer Jim Hoss called the match "the muddiest contest I've ever seen" and described the action as "akin to two hungry hogs wallowing in their own filth."
The American Hog Farmer's Association immediately demanded an apology.
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