LYING LIAR JAYSON BLAIR ACCUSES REALSTUPIDNEWS OF TELLING THE TRUTH
03/09/04 NEW YORK, New York
Pathological liar Jayson Blair of New York Times infamy wreaked significant damage on that venerable newspaper's credibility. Now the author of Burning Down My Master's House has turned his sights on the mock-journalists at satire website RealStupidNews.com, whom he accuses of "failing to make stuff up." (RealStory @ abc.net.au)
"Our stories are unpure, adulterated toilet nugs," insisted RealStupid publisher Dave Barry of the Miami Herald. "We make the National Enquirer look like the New York Times. No, wait, I got that backwards."
But an unconvinced Blair points to RealStupidNews.com's own slogan, which claims that its news stories are "S-t-r-e-t-c-h-i-n-g the truth so you get more."
"A total lie, so help me God," responded RealStupid Editor-in-Chief Dennis Miller of CNBC. "Claiming that RealStupidNews reports the truth is about as nonsensical as postulating that People magazine publishes an apolitical historiographical postmodern parody of Marcel Proust's Remembrance of Things Past. Kenneth Burke's collection of the major works of Soren Kierkegaard must be spinning in its bookshelf."
Blair remained adamant in his claims and cited specific RealStupid new stories. "I personally witnessed President Bush breastfeeding that Mexican infant in Brownsville," said Blair. "I suckled a little bit myself. Tasted like chicken." (RealStupidStory @ RealStupidNews.com)
"I was also there when Attorney General John Ashcroft was sucked into a black hole through his own anus," he added. "It sounded like this: plplplplplplssschluuuurpboing." (RealStupidStory @ RealStupidNews.com)
"And, I was actually hit by a bloody triangular shard of Joan Rivers' skull at the Oscars when her face snapped from the intense pressure of her 473 facelifts. I had to be present at all three events. How else could I provide detail like that?" (RealStupidStory @ RealStupidNews.com)
"These guys are telling the truth, I swear," Blair concluded. "Except, of course, that bit about the White House producing evidence of 'National Guard program-related activities.'
"I mean, what kind of idiot would believe that?" (RealStupidStory @ RealStupidNews.com)
©2004 RealStupidNews.com
EDITOR'S NOTE: this story is not a shameless plug for our own website. We are, in fact, very, very ashamed. |
