Dear Abby,
I've been going out with this girl for a couple of weeks now and I really like her and want to take the relationship to the next level. I have one problem though. On our first date she told me she was sick, but I can't remember if she said she had TB or VD. What should I do?
Lovelorn, Portland, OR
Dear Lovelorn:
If she coughs a-lot, screw her.
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One day, a blonde who lived on the 12th floor of a high-rise apartment building was out on her balcony, flapping the bed sheets to air them out, when suddenly a great gust of wind caught the sheets and sent her over the edge, plummeting to her death. "Oh, shit!" the woman thought, "what a stupid way to die."
Without warning, a man on the 10th floor balcony stuck his arms out into the air, catching the woman. Delirious from shock, the woman shouted, "Oh, thank you! You saved my life, thank you!"
The man replied, "Do you suck?"
Stunned at this, the woman said, "No, I don't suck!"
And with that, the man let go of her.
"Shit!" the woman thought as she began to plummet again. Suddenly, another set of arms grabbed her at the 9th floor. "Thank God!" she screamed. "I would have died if it weren't for you!"
The man asked, "Do you fuck?"
Absolutely aghast, the woman answered, "No, I don't fuck!"
Once again, the arms that held her safe were no longer there. Falling again, the woman thought that she would surely die. Just then, a set of arms stretched out from the 7th floor. Not believing her luck, the woman shouted, "I suck! I fuck!"
"Slut," the man said, and dropped her. |
