For some reason, this column reminded me of your adventures with Meyers ;-)
Frank the Flying Cat
by Amy Chavez
'Japan Lite'
Flying cats. That's the only way to describe the atmosphere of my living room these days. Actually, it's only one flying cat, but it seems like fifty. Every few moments a cat torpedoes across the room through the air, sailing past the TV screen and landing with a clunk on the other side of the room. If you've ever had a kitten, you know what I'm talking about.
I was completely unaware of flying cats because, like most cat parents in Japan, it wasn't planned. Instead, it's usually the result of doing something completely ordinary, such as walking around the neighborhood, when suddenly a stray kitten appears "out of nowhere." I happened to be jogging with my husband the other day when suddenly, out of nowhere, appeared a 6-week-old ball of white fluff. With blue eyes.
My husband gave me a doubtful look. It was the same look he gave me two sofas and a stereo system ago, which translated means: if we take this home, does this mean we're committing ourselves to another 5 years in Japan?
That question unanswered (again), we proceeded to do what all new cat owners do: think of the stupidest name possible for our cat. We named her Frank. That's Frank as in "ole blue eyes," Frank Sinatra. The first thing we're going to teach her is how to sing.
But it's hard to teach Frank how to sing when she is more interested in flying across the room (clunk!). I find this obsession of hers slightly masochistic. So, I called the Flying Cats Helpline, run by my friend Haynes who is a former cat owner. She said, "Don't worry. When the cat gets older, she'll only fly across the room once a week for about twenty minutes." So I guess there is no hope of Frank completely ceasing this activity. (Clunk!)
Although flying across the room appears to be Frank's favorite activity, it's not. Living is Frank's favorite activity. She celebrates the joys of cat life in many favorite ways. For example, she likes to play on the beach. Since she is adamant about being an indoor cat now, she substitutes the beach with her litter box which is filled with beach sand. When she has rolled around enough that she's completely covered with sand, she walks into the living room and resumes flying across the room (clunk!).
Another one of Frank's favorite activities is aikido. She uses aikido to fight demons. It's hard to tell exactly what these demons look like since they are apparently invisible to humans. But Frank can obviously see them and she fearlessly attacks the demons and outwits them with skillful throws, holds and locks. She never loses. Frank the heroine.
Frank occasionally becomes a sumo cat. This happens right after she has eaten and has the most energy. Her stomach is still large and round making her look twice as big as normal. When Frank plays sumo, she obviously changes the rules to her advantage. After the ceremonial stomping and some preliminary snatches and grabs, almost anything goes. Rolling around on the back is definitely permissible and invisible opponents are preferred. Frank is a constant heroine.
Mid-day, Frank becomes Empress of Japan. She has already staked out her favorite chair and claimed it her throne. This is where she also takes a mid-day nap. At least it looks likes she's napping. If you look closely you'll see that she's not really sleeping, she's taking part in another one of the joys of cat life: shedding. This is a tactic used to make sure no one else sits there.
Finding myself the parent of such a talented cat, you can imagine how anxious I am to start Frank with her singing lessons. I've already reserved a Hello Kitty karaoke box. I'm sure she'll be pleased to celebrate another one of the joys of life in Japan.
I like being a cat parent. There's nothing like a cat to brighten up your life. (Clunk!). Oh, here's Frank now. What is it Frank? What do you mean you want me to cancel the reservation for the Hello Kitty karaoke box. Why?
Frank: "I'll do it myyyyyy waaaaay."
I don't doubt her either. She's got a kendo stick in her hand. |
