That was the week we wish wasn't
Rob Morse
OF THE EXAMINER STAFF ÿSunday, August 23, 1998
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Cancel that headline. Now polls show Americans are happy about last week, because two days after Bill Clinton admitted being a liar, he shot $100 million worth of fireworks at bad guys holed up in two beggar nations.
He was "sending a message," the form of warfare used by a president more concerned with symbolism than substance, and more concerned with not taking losses than winning.
The cruise missile is the perfect political weapon. No American casualties. Buildings go down. Polls go up.
The message terrorists will get is that the U.S. doesn't have the stomach to send commando forces to kill them. The rules of war in America say that American troops should never die, even if they're trying to stop some madmen who may wipe out Manhattan with a suitcase nuke.
That's partly the fault of the media, because they'd be all over Clinton as soon as the first helicopter burned in the desert. It's also the fault of a president who has his eye on the polls even more than he does on women.
Last week, we were so wrapped up in Clinton's sex life and on-again-off-again relationship with the truth that we missed a debate between guv wannabes Dan Lungren and Gray Davis.
Darn, I forgot completely about these guys.
So you wanted real debate, not negative TV ads? What you got were two intelligent, articulate, experienced men arguing about who was going to put the lethal injection needle deeper in the veins of the two inmates a year executed at San Quentin.
This debate was in Fresno, where there is high unemployment, low achievement test scores and far too much teen pregnancy and gang activity. But no, killing a couple of guys a year is a bigger issue.
Fortunately, Labor Day is coming, and soon we'll have good old negative ads.
Incidentally, for this debate Lungren's people remembered that he has the Nixon problem -- profuse debate sweat ™ so they cranked the air-conditioning up in the auditorium and didn't let him outside all day.
Lungren has a sense of humor, so he gave reporters sweat bands printed with his name.
Davis doesn't sweat at all because he's a cyborg.
Last week, columnist Mike Barnicle was fired by the Boston Globe for inventing two kids with cancer for a column. As if there aren't enough real kids with cancer.
This came just two months after Globe columnist Patricia Smith was fired for fabricating columns, including one about a woman with brain cancer.
The only good news for Boston is that its cancer rate isn't as high as previously thought.
Barnicle is brazen. In the fabricated column, the fake kids with cancer shared an interest in the Red Sox and one kid's favorite song was "The Star-Spangled Banner," because it was played before each game at Fenway.
Never mind the fake patriotism or making up kids with cancer. Barnicle sullied the Red Sox.
The shame of it is that the Globe's editor had tried and failed to fire Barnicle a few weeks before for stealing lousy George Carlin jokes.
So it goes. Even the demand for Barnicle's resignation had been seen in print before.
Last week the Assembly voted to pave paradise for a parking lot -- apologies to Joni Mitchell and all the animals and people who use the Candlestick Point Recreation Area.
It's almost unthinkable for the state to give up a big chunk of a park for a private enterprise, but the private enterprise is the 49ers' proposed stadium-mall, and Mayor Brown has powerful allies in the Assembly.
Of course, the way the DeBartolo family is going, there may be plenty of free parking for nothing. How about some parking downtown, Mr. Mayor?
Last week, Brown announced that after Labor Day the public would be allowed to visit Treasure Island. Good for him. About time. I am volunteering my services as a tour guide.
See the homes where you can live if you're not an ex-girlfriend of the mayor.
See the Treasure Island Museum which is no longer there.
See where the former gang members formerly stood guard.
See where the DeBartolo casino will never be.
See where the voters said no to the emperor's no clothes.
Come on over. Willigan's Island is a regular fantasy island.
Lastly, last week Mayor Brown appeared on the TV show "Politically Incorrect." Naturally, the talk revolved around Bill Clinton's lies and peccadilloes, with Brown and actor Ron Silver taking Clinton's side against ditzy actress Victoria Jackson, formerly of "Saturday Night Live."
Jackson was rattling on about what a liar Clinton was when she abruptly said that when the movie is made she wants to play Monica Lewinsky.
Without skipping a beat, Brown asked her if she wanted to do some rehearsing, and then cackled the patented Willie Brown cackle. The guy can say anything and get away with it.
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