Libertas Exclusive: The Lucifer Interview
— Dirty Harry @ 6:50 am
In a Libertas exclusive, Lucifer sat down with me today in Palm Springs to discuss film and culture. He was relaxed in casual Dockers and enjoying a Starbucks espresso. He’s quite fit, which he claims is due to being a vegan, gave me all the time needed, answered every question, and exhibited an unexpected wry sense of humor.
Dirty Harry: I guess we should start with the biggie: George Clooney.
Lucifer: Good. This is something I’ve wanted to clear up for a long time because people need to know that when they come to me they’re going to receive talent, success, or both . Since Clooney has neither, why do people assume he came to me? Look, his movies, unless followed by a number and buoyed by other stars, fail. If he came to me, he’d be a star. But he’s not. He’s Paris Hilton. I had nothing to do with it.
DH: I’m assuming you and Barbara Streisand have an understanding…
L: Babs? She’s great.
DH: Then why isn’t she the first woman to win a Best Director Oscar?
L: Because people need to keep believing I don’t exist… She’ll just have to wait for the Thalberg.
DH: The Passion of the Christ was a huge success. A lot of people felt you really let that one get away from you.
L: That was handled poorly on my part and it’s something I regret. Lost my temper. Went a little overboard trying to discredit it. But, hey, I’m not the one who claims to be perfect, you know what I mean?
DH: Do you watch Fox News?
Editors Note: At this point Lucifer started hissing and writhing. He didn’t calm down until Katie Couric appeared and rubbed his temples.
DH: We’ll stick to films. Are you comfortable with your position in Hollywood now? Are you where you want to be?
L: I think once synergy improves with our news media and public schools you’ll see films for the cause do better. But that’s gonna take time. I do miss the personal contact. There was a time people had to deal directly with me for a People Magazine cover. Now they can just buy African babies and give them strange names. I still get their business, but miss the face to face.
DH: It seems to me that the battle to temper sex and violence in films has died down. That has to be something you’re quite proud of.
L: Well, let’s stop for a second because I’ve always found the linking of sex and violence in that context absurd. Don’t get me wrong, I’m for both, but violence has nothing on sex. Between AIDS, STD’s, unwanted pregnancies, abortion, the objectification of women, and our newest franchise; sexualizing children; violence is really small potatoes. It’s comparing a squirt gun with a machine gun. If I had the power to put the entire world in front of a television for two hours, it would be 4 episodes of Sex and the City over any violent film, hands-down.
DH: Before we go I’d like to do some free association. I’ll say something, you say what comes to mind.
L: Oh, I love this!
DH: Ben Affleck.
L: Nice kid. But when I see him talk politics I just want to give him a noogie. I tell him, “you know Ben, you’re not helping the cause” but he’s doing better now. Ben’s cool. And I’d rather have him out there talking politics than Clooney. Man, that guy creases me.
DH: Sean Penn
L: Did you see him with the shotgun in New Orleans after Katrina? Wow, that was great. He’s still hacked off over “All The King’s Men” but I told him after I read the script that even I couldn’t make that work. Hot head. Sweet, but a hot head.
DH: Rosie O’Donnell.
L: I’ve never thrown anyone back before, but…
DH: The Democrats victory last night.
L: Another step closer to refugees on embassy rooftops clinging to helicopters.
DH: And finally, Hollywood
L: Still the dream factory.
DH: Thank you for doing this.
L: Does your wife know just how gay you are for Brad Pitt?
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