Well, I thought I'd contribute these two jokes, although I guess everyone's heard them.
1) Instructions for heating up your Swanson turkey and giblets TV dinner. If you have an Apple microwave, insert dinner into oven and press Start. If you have a Microsoft microwave, insert dinner into oven and enter the following command: //>start>TVdinner<>yummyyum+#10minutes/>\\turn/onequarter\\<<nowtry>>
yummyyum~~frozeninmiddle\\tryagain**yummyyum<etc.\run{hopeforbest}
2) Bill Gates dies in an accident and meets St. Peter at the entrance to heaven. St. Peter tells Bill that he can choose to spend the rest of eternity in either heaven or hell. Bill says, well can I check them both out first? St. Peter says sure, which one do you want to see first? Bill says, show me hell. So St. Peter takes Bill to hell whereupon Bill casts his gaze upon a gorgeous tropical beach with crystal clear waters and pink sands and nubile beauties prancing around. Hmmm, he says, now let's see heaven. So St. Peter takes him up to heaven where everyone is floating in the clouds effortlessly and playing harps blissfully. Well, which will it be? asks St. Peter. Bill scratches his noggin a moment and says, well, St. Peter, heaven is pleasant, but I think I prefer hell. So it shall be, says St. Peter, and off goes Bill to hell. Well, after a week or so, St. Peter figures he better go check on Bill in hell. He makes the descent and finds all is well with Bill encircled by flames having his fingernails pulled out by horned demons. St. Peter, cries Bill, I'm so glad you're here, this is not what you showed me hell would be like! I've got to get outta here! What happened to the beach and chicks? Oh, that! chuckles St. Peter. Well, that was the beta test! You know how that goes! |
