Clinton dies and goes to hell...the devil tells him he has a choice of three
punishments.
The first room has Ken Starr with a whip and chains. Clinton says definitely not.
The second room has Hillary with a butcher knife and an evil laugh. Clinton says no
way.
In the third room, he sees Al Gore being serviced by Monica Lewinsky. "Hmmm,"
says Clinton, "I think I can handle that."
The devil walks over, taps Monica on the shoulder and tells her, "OK, you're
relieved."
*****************
LIMERICK:
Clinton and Lewinsky have shown,
What Ted Kaczinsky must not have known,
An intern is better, than a bomb in a letter,
Given the choice to be blown.
=====*=====
Vanity Fair supposedly has received a check from a B. Clinton at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. in Washington, DC for a
subscription starting with the July issue, which features a layout on Monica Lewinsky. And for good reason. Rumors are, there
are enough of Bill's Babes, that VF may make it a monthly feature
=====*=====
A presidential staff advisor walks into the daily meeting a little late and notices that everyone has a glum look on their face --
some even look a little frightened -- and Clinton isn't in the room.
"What's the matter?" he asked
"Well, we had some bad news, and just got some even worse news."
"What's the bad news?"
"India has detonated some atomic weapons at their underground test site; Pakistan has done the same at their proving area;
and China is warning them both that this could lead to regional war --
that may go nuclear."
"Oh my God, what could be worse than that?"
"Well, Bill just got hold of some Viagra"
=====*=====
President Clinton had been walking around the White House and going to meetings all day with a pair of
pink ladies' panties on his arm.
Reporters and staff observed this phenomenon and, of course, wondered what he was doing. At an
afternoon press conference Sam Donaldson got brave enough to ask him why he had a pair of ladies'
panties on his arm.
The president replied, "It's the patch. I'm trying to quit."
=====*=====
Bill and Hilary Clinton were the guests of honor at the World Marching Girl and Drum Majorette Championships in New York.
Hilary noticed that Bill had a smile on his face, so she said, " Well honey, what are you smiling at?"
Bill replied, "Honey, if I had another inch, I'd be out there making love to the lot of them."
A big smile came across Hilary's face. Bill said, "What are you smiling about?"
Hilary replied, "Bill, if you had one inch less, you'd be out there marching with them."
=====*=====
What is Bill Clinton's definition of safe sex?
When Hillary's out of town.
=====*=====
Why was it so difficult for Clinton to get rid of Monica?
He couldn't give her a pink slip without wanting her to try it on.
=====*=====
Dan Quayle, Newt Gingrich and Bill Clinton are traveling in a car together in the midwest. A tornado comes along and whirls
them up into the air, tossing them thousands of yards away. When they come down and extract themselves from the vehicle,
they realize they're in the Land of Oz. They set off to see the Wizard of Oz.
Quayle says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a braine."
Gingrich says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart."
Clinton says, "Where's Dorothy?"
=====*=====
1. What's the difference between Bill Clinton and the Titanic?
2. Why is this presidential scandal different than Watergate?
3. How could President Clinton deny he had sex with Monica Lewinsky?
4. What's the most popular game at the White House?
5. Hillary's new book: "It Takes A Village..."
. . . .
1. We know how many went down on the Titanic.
2. This time, we know who "Deep Throat" is.
3. Clinton claims it wasn't sex because, after all, she didn't swallow.
4. Swallow the leader.
5. "...To Satisfy My Husband."
=====*=====
President Clinton looks up from his desk in the Oval Office to see one of his aides nervously approach him.
"What is it?" yells the President.
"It's this abortion bill, Mr. President. What do you want to do about it?" the aide asks.
"Just go ahead and pay it," responds the President.
=====*=====
Q. What does Bill say to Hillary after having sex?
A: "Honey, I'll be home in 30 minutes."
=====*=====
FILL IN THE BLANK: V.P. Al Gore is just a ______ away from the presidency.
a) heartbeat, b) blowjob
=====*=====
Because of the distractions created by the current scandal, it is rumored the President is having a difficult time keeping
abreast of his work and has requested that the White House hire additional interns to help him "keep up."
=====*=====
What does Ted Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wants?
A dead girlfriend.
=====*=====
American women were polled on whether or not they would have sex with President Clinton.
One percent said No. Two percent said Yes. And ninety-seven percent said Never again!
=====*=====
The Presidential Anthem's name has been modified -- "Kneel To The Chief."
=====*=====
You'd think being president he could get better looking chicks.
=====*=====
Did you hear Clinton doesn't use bookmarks?
He just bends over the pages!
=====*=====
To his credit, Clinton is now defending Monica Lewinsky, saying she was no different from any other White House intern. He
said, "She takes my pants off one leg at a time, just like everyone else."
=====*=====
Penthouse offered Lewinsky $2 million to pose naked. "This confirms what Clinton said in the State of the Union address: He
is creating high-paying jobs for young people."--Jay Leno
=====*=====
What movie does Bill Clinton show to seduce White House interns?
Free Willy.
=====*=====
Was Monica Lewinsky the "head intern?"
=====*=====
Does this mean "BUSH" will finally beat Clinton?
=====*=====
Only President Clinton could divert attention from a sex scandal with another sex scandal.
=====*=====
BUMPER SNICKER: HONK if you've slept with Clinton
=====*=====
Hillary Clinton said she didn't know about the scandal until she woke up last Wednesday morning. "That's when she rolled
over and found Lewinsky lying next to her."--Conan O"Brien
=====*=====
The President was seen recently at a florist's buying the FTD "Sorry about my many affairs" bouquet.
Find Bill!
Related Lists: Top Ten Bill Clinton Post-Impeachment Plans, Johnnie Cochran, Jr.'s Top Ten Closing
Arguments For William J. Clinton, "Those White House Nights," The Hillary Page, Clinton Highlights From
The Column, Possible Monica Lewinsky Book Titles
=====*=====
Non-topical Clinton Jokes
Clinton returns from a vacation in Arkansas and walks down the steps off Air Force One with two pigs under his arms. At the
bottom of the steps, he says to the honor guardsman, "These are genuine Arkansas Razor-Back Hogs. I got this one for
Chelsea and this one for Hillary."
The guardsman replies, "Nice trade, Sir."
=====*=====
One day, Clinton angrily called the White House interior decorator into the Oval Office. He said, "Chelsea is very upset
because she thinks she has the ugliest room in the entire White House; I want something done about it immediately!"
"Yes Sir, Mr. President," the interior decorator replies. "I'll take those mirrors out right away!"
=====*=====
Bill and Hillary are at the first baseball game of the season. The umpire walks up to the VIP section and says something.
Suddenly Clinton grabs Hillary by the collar and throws her over the wall onto the
field.
The stunned umpired shouts, "No, Mr. President! I said, 'Throw the first PITCH'!"
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God bless America, land that I love...
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