PELOSI AMENDS PULL-OUT BILL TO ENSURE APPROVAL (Scott Ott)
(2007-03-23) — House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, in an 11th hour effort to get enough Democrat votes to pass the omnibus Iraq war pull-out bill, last night amended the measure to include funding for the following…
–More comprehensive sex education, complimentary condoms and discount abortion clinics in public middle schools
–A government-run universal health care system that includes prescription drugs for household pets and a new mandatory euthanasia benefit for the aged, comatose, crippled, diseased, depressed and mentally retarded
–A ready supply of government-issued affordable, combustible American flags for anti-war protesters
–A nationwide chain of government-run homosexual marriage chapels and adoption centers
–Several hundred “express check-in lanes” on the U.S.-Mexico border to speed the entry of undocumented workers headed for free government medical clinics
–A nationwide involuntary gun buy-back program
–Acquisition of Rosie O’Donnell, Al Franken and Bill Maher to create shows for Public TV, Public Radio and Armed Forces Radio
–Purchase of carbon offsets equivalent to the greenhouse gas production of Cameroon for each member of Congress allowing them to continue unlimited travel in private jets, limousines and SUVs with a clear conscience
–Payment of reparations to the families of Saddam Hussein and Abu Musab al-Zarqawi
The bill, which faces a certain presidential veto, represents “yet another symbolic triumph” for Congressional Democrats, said Rep. Pelosi, who urged her reluctant party members to put aside their differences and to support the measure as the only way to ensure Democrat party funding for their reelection campaigns.
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