''There's a mad dog in our neighborhood''
Printed on Wednesday, March 12, 2003 @ 00:29:55 EST
By Raff Ellis
YellowTimes.org Columnist (United States)
(YellowTimes.org) – It's true! There's a vicious, unpredictable dog in our neighborhood. Admittedly, it's a large neighborhood, subdivided by walls and various other boundaries, and the dog is fenced in, but every time I go by this particular house, he barks and snarls at me. There's a five-foot masonry wall between him and me, but I just know if I put my hand over the fence, he'd take it off. He's a real nuisance, barking all the time and other of my neighbors have complained and worry about what would happen if he ever got loose.
Officers of our neighborhood association have regularly brought up the issue of this dog and his threat to the future well being of the children in the area. "He must be stopped," one officer has said more than once. Another said, "He bit me once when I put my hand over the fence to pet him."
Because of this albeit shaky report, the committee chair in charge of government relations made a call to the local gendarmerie. "How long ago did this incident happen?" they asked. "Several years ago," was the answer, "not sure of the date." "Well, the best we can do, since the statute of limitations has probably run out, is to send Animal Control inspectors out there."
There was some grumbling about this because it was well known that the rulers of this household won't answer their doorbell and their phone is unlisted. Someone said their phone wasn't even in working order. Our association president didn't think they would let the inspectors in and, if they did, they might hide the dog. But it was decided to take an impatient wait-and-see attitude.
Everyone was waiting for the inspector's report, which never seemed to be finished. Two adjoining neighborhood associations were contacted but they weren't interested in pursuing the case. "He hasn't bothered us," they said. "Leave them alone." We never got along with these lower priced developments so their non-cooperation wasn't unexpected. They're a different class and ethnicity than our more progressive neighborhood.
Needless to say, this uncooperative attitude infuriated the administration of our association. "We should retaliate against them," our safety director opined. "Yeah," the neighborhood improvement committee chair chimed in. "We could get the county to put speed bumps on our road. That'll piss them off because I know they are dead set against them." "Yeah, we need to teach them a lesson about cooperation," others added. "How about a traffic light up at the entrance to the neighborhood? That'll take the wind out of their sails!" "This will let 'em know what a 'no drive' zone feels like." Motions were quickly passed to make these improvements.
Impatient for an answer from the government body to whom we had entrusted our fate, a teleconference was initiated with their representative. "No one answered the door," the inspector had reported, "so we posted a quarantine message on the door. Didn't see any signs of the dog in question, either."
"They're hiding the damn dog," our association president said. "I will lead a coalition to remedy this. We can't entrust our fate to that group. The security of our children is at stake. We have to be the masters of our own destiny. You know that dog tried to bit my dad once."
A rump session was held with no minutes to be taken, a way to avoid the Sunshine Laws that require full disclosure of the organization's deliberations. The tone of the session was quite muted with people on occasion whispering, even though no one outside our environs could possibly hear what was going on. "Let's kill the dog," the safety director muttered. "You could authorize that," he said, nodding to the association president. "I suppose I could make such a finding," he mused while rubbing his ample chin. The animal haters in the group were grinning from ear to ear.
Someone said that the owner was feeding the dog baby kittens that are raised by relatives and that the animal had excreted a poisonous liquid that was killing the squirrels on his and his immediate neighbor's property. Our president wondered aloud if we couldn't "leak" that information to our association members.
"What about a show of force?" another suggested, "just to let them know we mean business." This was mulled over at great length with discussions about whether or not we could brandish weapons and if there would be any legal repercussions. Also, how the other adjoining neighborhoods would react to this was mentioned in passing with accompanying shrugs and snickers.
"If they don't like it, tough!" said our president. "We're a bigger association, wealthier than they are. Let 'em eat dog crap. They'll be sorry they didn't go along with us. Our association has a long memory."
So it came to pass that a sizeable force was assembled and gathered on the borders of the offending dog's property. Much shouting and menacing moves were made at the dog, who had been restricted to the swimming pool area, well away from the fence. His owners were nowhere to be seen. What would happen next?
Stay tuned for further developments.
[Raff Ellis lives in the United States and is a retired former strategic planner and computer industry executive. He has had an abiding and active interest in the Middle East since early adulthood and has traveled to the region many times over the last 30 years.]
Raff Ellis encourages your comments: rellis@YellowTimes.org
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