A farmer asked a friend to recommend an attorney to defend him against a charge of bestiality.
"I know a great trial lawyer," the fellow said, "but he's expensive and doesn't know how to pick a jury. I know another lawyer," he continued, "who's not a great trial lawyer, but he's cheap and really knows how to pick a jury."
The farmer settled on the cheap attorney, but immediately had second thoughts when the key witness, a neighbor, began his testimony.
"I saw Jed mount his sheep from behind," he said, "and when he was finished, I saw the sheep turn around and lick Jed's pecker."
The accused farmer was devastated and had all but given up hope of acquittal when a juror in overalls whispered to the fellow next to him, "You know, a good sheep will do that."
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A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and announced that his wife had just produced a typical Texas baby, weighing a whooping twenty pounds.
"WOW!" was the response from everyone at the bar.
Two weeks later the Texan returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth? How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answered, "10 pounds."
The bartender said, "Why? I know that babies lose some weight after birth, but ten pounds? He did weigh twenty pounds, didn't he? What happened?"
The proud Texas father said, "Just had him circumcised!"
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A woman went to the doctors office and said, "Doctor, I've got a bit of a problem. But, I'll have to take my clothes off to show you." The doctor told her to go behind the screen and disrobe.
She did and the doctor went around to see her when she was ready.
"Well, what is it?" he asked.
"It's a bit embarrassing," she replied. "These two green circles have
appeared on the inside of my thighs."
The doctor examined her and finally admitted he had no idea what the cause was.
Suddenly, the doctor asks, "Does your husband wear earrings?"
"Why, yes, doctor, he does."
"Tell him they're not real gold." |
