Evolution Message Board - Msg: 27912097

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Politics : Evolution

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To: Solon who wrote (20339)	1/28/2012 11:34:11 AM
From: average joe	of 69300

Emergency JESUS YOUTH Memo Regarding Release of Half-Blood Prince - July 2009: Our "Extinguishing the Half-Blood of a Prince With the Full-Blood of the Lamb" campaign kicks off on July 15. Landover Baptist's JESUS YOUTHS will be visiting local public theaters wearing t-shirts and jeans (disguised as secular, unsaved trash). Each night in July during the release of the Satanic film, "The Half Blood Prince," JESUS YOUTHS will be armed with fire-extinguishers filled with compressed lamb's blood. "Our brave Baptist youths will innocently approach theater lines and spray unsaved moviegoers with the warm blood of the Lamb. They'll shout the name of Jesus and throw Chick Tracts into the dazed crowd," says Pastor. "They need to run like their dickens are on fire after witnessing time is over because they are outreaching for Jesus outside of church property! And there might be some unsaved police officers about! Church vans will be waiting a quarter mile away from each theater to escort JESUS YOUTHS back to the Main Sanctuary for a de-brief with the Board of Deacons. Then it's off to Friendly's for 20-minutes of ice-cream fellowship. Parents of JESUS YOUTHS participating in the "Full-Blood of the Lamb Spray" can pick up their kids on the corner of Soulwinner's Lane and B.R. Lakin Blvd. at 8PM weeknights. Permission slips are NOT required for this outreach event. Each Church member with a child between the ages of 9-14 (who is not out of town on a Luxury Christian Family Vacation) is required to participate in this event at least 3 evenings a week until August 30. Emergency Memo - September 2008: The Landover Baptist Board of Directors approved $17.5 million in church tithes to be directed to the "Center For Ongoing Background Check of J.K. Rowling." Funds will be utilized to assist our two church Deacons who have been riding the train between Manchester and London every day for the last 7-years. "Our research brings us closer to finding Hogwarts every day," says professional Christian Mole, Creation Scientist and church Deacon, Dr. Henry Finkle. "We've put together over 100 thousand pages daily trip logs, and conducted nearly 5 interviews," he states. "We also found a lipstick canister that we believe is linked to Rowling." landoverbaptist.org

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