Oh, and another one <GIGGLE, GIGGLE>....humor me on this one...seems like the board is pretty dead here anyway...
Thursday April 22, 2:25 pm Eastern Time
Company Press Release
JAWS Technologies Signs Investor Relations Alliance With Confusion Trading.
CALGARY, Alberta--(BUSINESS WIRE)--April 22, 1999--JAWS Technologies Inc. (OTC BB:JAWZ)a provider of the best in information security technologies and practices, is pleased to announce the signing of a strategic alliance with Confusion Trading, a provider of world class investor relations support for companies with little revenue,
but enough alliances to make a pig happy in mud.
In today's increasingly complex IT environment, companies are
looking for quality investor relations providers that can confuse the public and clients, while management figures out what to do next. Organizations like Confusion Trading,
a leader in wacky press releases using the Internet, provide this critical operational and functional support. At the same time, there is increasing awareness that public may realize that a company is really providing a "snake oil" solution to a real problem
and bail out, thereby jeopardizing the stock options of upper management which is critical to the alliance confusion theory, and keeping the game alive for as long as possible.
''We see Confusion Trading as a leader in its field because of
its use of world-class command of the English language combined with its extensive foreign language database which can translate our press releases into an unprecedented 23 languages that can be displayed all over the internet," states Robert Kubbernus, CEO, JAWS
Technologies Inc.
"Furthermore, we'd rather have that rascal the Phantom working with us
rather than against us since alot of the stuff he says makes good sense and has caused us to lose some of our shareholders and but I stress NONE of our clients since we don't have any (just YET anyway)," said Robert.
''The clients we still don't have can now have not only the best in security products and services but a proven service make the public think that big things are happening. We can see this alliance adding a 10 percent improvement to our sales forecasts and ultimately our stock price.''
''Our alliance with JAWS Technologies only enhances our strategy to
maintain our leadership position as a world-class provider of wacky
press releases,'' says Phantom Dialer, CEO & President of Confusion Trading. ''By collaborating with JAWS Technologies on the next funny alliance, we can take our offering to the next level, and execute the greater fool theory to perfection,"
"We're gonna have a rip-roaring good time with all the shareholders and clients--In this day and age, there are some who if you put their brain on a razor blade would be the equivalent of a tic-tac on a four lane highway....we're looking fun to make everyone laugh, and who knows, maybe we can make a few bucks out of it too", commented The Phantom.
****P.S*** If you think that this press release is REAL you've really got problems....sounds plausible though so don't put it past Robbie and the boyz.
<LOL> I couldn't resist,
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