This guy is great!
Thanks Alan
To: +Alan Whirlwind (1843 )
From: +Alan Whirlwind
Wednesday, Dec 2 1998 7:46PM ET
Reply # of 1849
Pinky's Tailing Box: a weekly Wednesday Feature of At a Bottom Now for Gold...
DOWTANIC!
Molly Brown: Dowtanic--what a weighty name for an ocean liner.
Aristocrat: God couldn't sink the Dowtanic.
Rose: All you men think about is the size and upward movement of your Dow. I've had
enough!
$
Jack: Miss, why are you hanging over the rail like that?...no, don't do it! You're young,
beautiful, and have everything to live for--don't throw your life away like this...
Rose: I own 20,000 shares of Zappa Resources.
Jack: Jump!
$
Rose: I wanted to personally thank you for saving my life...why, you're an artist. What
detailed work...will you draw me?
Jack: Sure, meet me in my cabin later.
Rose: You are a man of many possibilites.
Jack: Impossibilities too. Why, I've icefished on a lake in Western Wisconsin that
doesn't even exist yet. Try beating that.
Rose: I made money in the silver market this year.
Jack: Got me.
Rose: But, really, I want to be an ordinary person like you Jack.
Jack: Okay, first you have to spit like an ordinary person.
Rose: Oh dear, I'm afraid I have trouble with such icky stuff.
Jack: Don't worry, Janet Reno just got Ickes out of trouble and off the hook by
declining to appoint a special prosecutor.
Rose: Oh mother...this is the boy who saved my life. Er, hello Mrs. Brown...
Molly Brown: My boy, you've got saliva on your face.
Jack: My apologies, I was just dreaming about recent Dow gains I could have had.
$
Jack: Just sit there a little while longer while I finish a few light brush strokes.
Steward: Pardon the interruption Sir...oh, I didn't know you were preoccupied. Er...I
would imagine it must be difficult finding nude models to pose for you like that.
Jack: Not at all--there are plenty of ladies out there long the XAU who have lost their
shirts.
$
Rose: Jack, when we get to America, I want to be with you.
Jack: But I'll always be poor. Then again, with all your money in Zappa, so will you.
$
Aristocrat: You! Get the warrant officer over here at once.
Steward: At once Sir, but why the warrant officer Sir?
Aristocrat: That man there is a thief!
Warrant Officer: Why was I summoned here?
Steward: I'm afraid we might have a thief here Sir.
Warrant Officer: Indeed, what did he steal?
Aristocrat: Zappa Warrants.
Warrant Officer: So you're the culprit who's been tearing up the wallpaper on aft deck.
I'll have to handcuff you in the brig until we can straighten this thing out.
$
Lookout: Bridge!
Duty Officer: Bridge here--what's the problem?
Lookout: YK2, recession, declining earnings due to Asian meltdown, Euro competition,
Japanese dumping of US securities, and Brazil & China devaluing dead ahead Sir.
Duty Officer: Anything else?
Lookout: Oh yes, an iceberg!
Duty Officer: Hard astern!
C-R-U-N-C-H!!!
$
Dow Designer: There's no stopping it. The Dow is sinking.
Captain: How long do we have?
DD: Two months, maybe three.
Captain: My God, we only have lifeboats for a third of the investors.
$
Rose: Oh Jack, I found you--we're sinking.
Jack: With our types of investments I thought we were already sunk. Save yourself; I'm
handcuffed and there's no key.
Rose: I'll break this glass and free you with this axe. Don't move...
S-W-I-N-G! C-H-O-P!
Rose: Oh my God! What have I done?
Jack: You just axed the CEO of Sunbeam. Don't worry--they wouldn't have given him a
space on a lifeboat anyway.
Rose: Jack, why aren't any of these people dumping their securities now while they still
have a chance?
Jack: They probably figure that without any other safe haven at hand they'll last longer if
they stay with the Dow as long as they can.
Rose: But what about precious metals?
Jack: They're obviously aware they'll sink faster with their pockets full of gold.
$$$
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