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Pastimes : Jokes
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To: JTinker who wrote (2237)6/10/1999 10:29:00 AM
From: Barney   of 2733
 
Two new additions to the periodic table of elements.

Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there!)

Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at
nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever
treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.

Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable.
Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum,
and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to
absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly
green when placed next to a better specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst
for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful
income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
------------------------------------------------------
Element Name: MAN
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)

Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but
gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and
sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due
to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct
electricity as easily as young samples.

Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any
chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds
with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd
(Element: Child) for prolonged period of time.
Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.

Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good
samples are able to produce large quantities on
command.

Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly
decomposes and begins to smell.
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