WHAT YOU CAN LEARN FROM COWS
>
> DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for
> being successful. You vote people into office who put a tax on your cows,
> forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the
> tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give
> it
> to your neighbor. You feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
>
> SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to
> your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
>
> REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
>
> CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your
> neighbor. Then you covet it.
>
> COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you
> with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
>
> CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull,
> and build a herd of cows.
>
> DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to
> the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who
> has
> only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
>
> BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows.
> The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for
> the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
>
> AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to
> yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the 2 cows to produce the
> milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an
> announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing
> expenses. Your stock goes up.
>
> FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want
> three cows. You go to lunch. Life is good.
>
> JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are
> one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the
> milk.They
> learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of
> their
> class at cow school.
>
> GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re engineer them so they are
> all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a
> hundred
> miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per
> year.
>
> ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
> While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
> You break for lunch.
> Life is good.
>
> RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count
> them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count
> them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you
> have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. You
> produce your 10th, 5-year plan
> in the last 3 months. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows
> you
> really have.
>
> TALIBAN CORPORATION: You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which is
> two.You
> don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. At
> night when no one is looking, you have sex with both of them. Then you
> kill
> them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.
>
> SWISS CORPORATION:
> You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
> You charge for storing them for others.
>
> BRAZILIAN CORPORATION:
> You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American
> corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation
> declares bankruptcy.
>
> INDIAN CORPORATION:
> You have two cows. You worship them.
>
> POLISH CORPORATION: You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and
> killed attempting to milk them.
>
> FLORIDA CORPORATION: You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes
> for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best
> vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for
> neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch
> of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best looking one.
>
> NEW YORK CORPORATION: You have fifteen million cows. You have to choose
> which one will be the leader of the herd and represent you in the Senate,
> so you elect some fat cow from Arkansas who wandered into the State.
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