.What If John Kerry Was President On 9-11?
By Daniel Kozarich
Aug 24, 2004
President John Kerry is walking down the hall of a Sarasota, FL school when his aide tells him that a tragedy has occurred in New York City.
Kerry, ”When I was in Vietnam, a plane once crashed into a bamboo hut along the Mekong river and…..”
Aide, “Sir, the campaigning is over, it’s 2001, a plane has crashed into the World Trade Center. Now, let’s go read to the children and I will go and track down more information.”
Kerry, ”Okay. What is the story? I hope that it’s the one about a little boy who grows up to serve in Vietnam, come home full of medals to throw away, and then marry a rich princess, twice. Because that is the American dream, living off other people’s money!”
Aide, “I don’t think that is today’s story, but I am sure that Edwards would like you to read him a bed time story tonight and you can just tell him your life story. Now, please go inside and read to the children.”
Kerry, “Okay.”
Its 9:05, a minute ago a second plane has crashed into the World Trade Center Towers and it is now known that America is under attack. The aide walks into the classroom to tell President Kerry.
Aide (whispering into ear), ”Sir, a second plane has hit the Towers, it is believed that we are under attack.”
Kerry, ”ATTACKED!? Let’s get out of here, I need to call Jacque.”
Aide, “Sir, calm down…..”
Kerry, “Don’t tell me to calm down! This is a complex issue and…”
Aide, “But you’re scaring the children.”
Kerry, “Oh. Children, please listen to me, I served in Vietnam and I know what to do. So, I must leave now.”
Secret Service Agent, ”Sir, we are not ready to leave yet. We have to check the perimeter and get our detail in place.”
Kerry, “We have to leave NOW! The attack is on and I cannot sit here and read to children, I must call Jacque now!”
Aide, “Okay, okay, I will call Jacque and get him on the line. Just go back to reading for the children and the Secret Service will get everything ready so we can leave here.”
Kerry, ”I can’t read to them now, I must get out of here, so let’s just go and stand in the hallway until the secret service is ready to go. Damn, they are always screwing things up for me, either making me fall on the ski slopes, taking my wind when I kite surf, and now, not even letting me leave this school! I wish I had my Swift Boat right now……”
Aide, ”Sir, I have Jacque on the line.”
Kerry, ”Thanks. “Jacque, Bonjour, Comment allez- vous?””
Jacque, ”Good, good, it seems that you have some complex thinking to do, but you have my support to not do anything about these attacks. We must continue to not make the terrorists upset.”
Kerry, ”I agree as always. We must go to the UN and get them to pass a resolution immediately. That should show the terrorists that we are serious. Look, the inept Secret Service is finally ready to leave, so let me call you back later. And I am comforted to know that you will stand by us.”
Jacque, “Yes, of course we will stand by you, as long as you ask us for permission before you do anything. Don’t forget to use your 4 months in Vietnam to guide you and I will wait for you call. Good bye.”
Kerry, ”Good bye.”
Secret Service Agent, ”Sir, we are ready to move. This way….”
Kerry, ”About time. Let’s go.”
Kerry is taken to Air Force One and is immediately giving permission for take off. Air Force One is on route to Barksdale Air force Base in Louisiana.
Aide, ”Sir, Edwards is on the phone.”
Kerry (taking the phone), ”John, we are under attack, but don’t worry, I served in Vietnam and know how to handle this. Spoke to Jacque and he is ready to back us in doing nothing.”
Edwards, ”Good. I will start the process for filing a law suit against the airlines and World Trade Tower operators. This is a dream! Imagine the billions that we can make off this. Just think, you will finally be able to say to your wife that you’re a billionaire too!”
Kerry, ”Excellent idea. You take charge of milking as much money out of this that you can and I will use my Vietnam experience to guide me on doing nothing. Take care John and don’t forget to set up a dummy corporation again so we will not have to pay all of the taxes like you did in your doctor lawsuit.”
Edwards, ”Okay. I will talk to you later when I decide which spirit I will be channeling through me during the trial. Take care.”
Aide, ”Sir, another plane has crashed into the Pentagon!”
Kerry, ”Well good. I hope that the plane hit the area with the most Vets. It will be just retribution for all the atrocities that they caused in Vietnam. I saw them commit war crimes and I participated too, but you reap what you sow. Let’s not worry about the Pentagon attack, it was just military folks who voted for Bush.”
Aide, ”Good thinking sir, you always can see complex things in situations.”
After landing in Louisiana, Kerry orders the plane to go to Nebraska after a quiet lunch in a five star restaurant. After a brief stay in Nebraska, they head to Washington in order to prepare to address the nation. At 8:30 Est., Kerry addresses the nation.
Kerry, ”My fellow African, Indian, Native, Asian, European, Hispanic, Religious, Atheist, and Gay Americans; It is with a troubled heart that I must say that this morning, America has finally joined the rest of the world in being attacked by terrorists. But do not be afraid, I served in Vietnam and will use those four months to guide me in my decisions. I also was on the Senate Intelligence Committee for eight years, of which I was present for 25% of the meetings and can assure you that I am fully aware of our intelligence capabilities. And finally, I advocated not funding military weapons programs and will be able to lead our troops, if we have to, against these people.
But we must remember, these terrorists were just misguided and we must learn way they did this, what makes someone so angry that they want to crash into a building? I believe that it’s because they are working low paying jobs, have no health insurance, and our concerned about the rising cost of tuition.
Therefore, I have spoken with France and along with us; we have submitted a resolution to the UN denouncing this action. The UN will vote on it tomorrow and this matter will be put to a rest thanks to the wise and rapid responding UN.
I have further asked Congress, that if we need to go after the terrorists, that they give me the full authority to use sensitive force. But don’t worry, it will be just a threat since I will not vote for funds to carry this out, but I believe that with the UN Resolution, France’s approval, and my threat of sensitive force, the terrorists will not do it again. They will have learned that their actions were misguided and that violence is not the correct course of action.
I am also planning on sending a bill to Congress tomorrow calling for an all out ban on airplanes. No citizen needs to be ever put into a situation like this morning again and unlike gun control, there is no 2nd Amendment protecting citizen’s right to fly.
Finally, please remember I served in Vietnam, I see complex things, and I believe that France is always right and we will just move on and pretend that this never happened. It worked after the first World Trade Center bombing, it worked after the embassy bombings, it worked with surrendering and retreating in Mogadishu, and it worked after the USS Cole strike, all things that occurred while I was in the Senate and did nothing.
"Thank you, Bless both America’s, and good night." |
