On March 2, 1982, Kip Eliason, age 16, distraught and filled with self-hate over his inability to stop masturbating, committed suicide. Before
asphyxiating himself, Kip left his father a note:
"Dear Dad,
"I love you more than what words can say. If it were possible, I would stay alive for only you, for I really only have you. But it isn't possible. I must
first love myself, and I do not. The strange feeling of darkness and self-hate overpowers all my defenses. I must unfortunately yield to it. This
turbulent feeling is only for a few to truly understand. I feel that you do not comprehend the immense feeling of serf-hatred I have. This is the only
way I feel that I can relieve myself of these feelings now. Carry on with your life and be happy. I love you more than words can say.
"--Your son, Kip
Kip Eliason's five-year struggle to overcome masturbation started at age 11 when his grandmother persuaded him to join the Church of Jesus
Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS), whose members are better known as Mormons. Kip was an intelligent and sensitive young man, perhaps too
sensitive. The death of his mother when the boy was six had profoundly affected him. At times he was quiet and reflective, spending hours
alone in his room, and yet he was outgoing by nature. He was a born leader. His classmates and teachers admired him for his friendly way and
all-American good looks. Kip was truthful and possessed a farm-community naivet‚.
He loved the Mormon Church -- which has 5.5 million members worldwide -- and was devoted to its teachings. His father, Eugene Eliason, a
non-Mormon, believes that in some ways the church may have played a substitute-mother role for the boy. (For clarity, Eugene Eliason will be
referred to as Eliason throughout this report; his son will always be called Kip.)
Kip was not the kind of youngster you'd think would commit suicide, but when his church told him that he'd find guilt, depression and self-hate
if he masturbated, he believed so. When it said he'd go to hell if he didn't stop, he believed that too. And when he was told that masturbation
was a "building block of suicide," he took the church at its word.
Kip's death rocked the predominantly Mormon agribusiness community of Boise, Idaho, where he was a high-school senior at Capital High
School. Of course, there were the stories that occasionally filtered through the congregation about young people who, like Kip, committed
suicide because they couldn't live up to the church's stringent anti-sex doctrines. But they were just stories and, if they were true, they didn't
happen in Boise; they happened some 300 miles southeast, in Salt Lake City, Utah. continued
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