Sorry Pezz,
<<Two people can find warmth and caring with out commitment don't you think?>>
Caring and warmth involves taking care of another and feeling cared for by another. Caring exists through involvement, attentive assistance and concern for the well being of another and when needed sincere efforts to keep them from harm or danger.
In my observations, experience, and some review of literature on the subject, I find what appears to be the typical and possibly universal reality of human social make-up related to sexual interaction with others. Sexual relationships are able to exist as private, personal, and nobody else's business within limitations. During a private sexual affair the couple encapsulates their special situation from the rest of the world. Significant other persons are insulated from any knowledge, awareness or involvement. The commitment, if any is for the moment. This experience is very special in this respect. Good, bad, or indifferent, the time when the encapsulation must be removed, significant other persons suddenly have a stake in the affair. Parents, children, spouses, previous lovers, future lovers, friends, even enemies become actors effecting the social equilibrium.
So, think of these significant others. If you were telling them about some enriching experience you are having such as: traveling, progress in career goals, theater, your favorite book, the character of the person you would want to spend a life time with. The people who care about you would probably be enriched by your discourse. They would likely enjoy being involved and you would find joy in that they care. Are the same things true when you share the details of a noncommittal affair? Why are Spouses, children, other boyfriends/girlfriends not typically made to share your happiness?
On the other hand think about your affair. No commitment you say. Are the same things true when you share the details of a noncommittal affair? Why are Spouses, children, other boyfriends/girlfriends not typically made to share your happiness? Ok, most people view such associations as leading to an inevitable end where somebody gets dumped and as having begun on the heals of a previously dumper/dumpee episode. This comes with all kinds of packaging and it is never pretty. Hense, the Oprah, Jerry Springer, Ricky Lake et al phenomena.
<<Well now we are getting close to concrete. what problems exactly are we talking about here?>> There is as long of a list of problems of a practical nature as there are people jumping into and out of non-committal relationships. The words non-committal and relationship do not fit in the same sentence very well do they? As soon as people begin any kind of intimate involvement they have established a certain level of connectedness to one another. It's more like an inter-relatedness glue. So to undo this involves some disentanglement. The ex-noncommittal sex partners often begin tossing each other in harms way in an attempt to flee the scene. The dumpee always has complaints of being mistreated in the process. Human beings just don't deal with having there emotional bonds being broken and disposed of very well.
So, what about the encapsulation idea? Couldn't a person in their forties keep affairs personal and private? Sure, I guess so. And, with each one, further insulate the significant people in their lives until they have little or nothing to do with anybody, ever, except the occasional one or two night stand. But, that would also necessitate that they don't ever associate with any one that isn't of the exact same thinking.
Well, I did my best to avoid choosing offensive words. I still don't see the need for any man to put his hands, eyes, mouth etc on another person without righteous intent, but I guess you're still thinking…<<When you put it like that you indeed make it seem shallow.>> Seems so to me too.
|
