Best of the Web Today - February 26, 2004
By JAMES TARANTO
Dems vs. Foreigners
There's no word other than xenophobic to describe John Kerry's campaign against international trade. Surprisingly enough, his antitrade position is a reversal, as the Associated Press notes in a dispatch from Toledo, Ohio:
Kerry voted for NAFTA in 1993 but has since said he would order a 120-day review of all trade pacts. He laid out specific guidelines for companies wanting to send jobs overseas, including at least three months' advance notice for affected employees as well as notification of the Labor Department, state agencies and local government officials.
In addition, he would require the federal government to compile statistics on off-shored jobs and report to Congress annually on how many positions were going where and why. He also would ensure that federal contracts did not go to foreigners.
A decorated Vietnam War veteran who has campaigned on his combat record, Kerry said it was time "to put patriotism back in the driver's seat."
So according to the haughty, French-looking Massachusetts Democrat who by the way served in Vietnam, it's unpatriotic to do business with guldurn furriners. This sort of demagoguery is drawing the attention of America's allies. London's Independent reports British officials are outraged:
Patricia Hewitt delivered a blistering attack last night on the two Democratic candidates for the US presidential nomination, accusing them of vying with one another in their "protectionist rhetoric."
In a speech laced with digs at America over its attitude towards free trade, the Secretary of State for Trade and Industry took John Kerry and John Edwards to task for pandering to the protectionist lobby.
"My message is don't play politics with people's jobs and people's prosperity. We know--the United States knows--that protectionism is the road to recession," she told a dinner at the Mansion House. . . .
Digby Jones, the director general of the CBI [Confederation of British Industry], said last night: "Some US politicians seem to be in a race to be more protectionist than the next.
"I don't like to hear talk of 'Benedict Arnold CEO's' which is completely unfair. Nor do I like to hear people replacing the phrase 'free trade' with 'fair trade' and then going on to propose measures that are really about creating unfairness. If it wants a job-rich recovery, America too must resist the siren voices of protectionism."
The Bush deserves criticism on trade issues as well; the paper notes that Hewett "also took the Republicans to task for imposing two years of unlawful steel tariffs, despite its supposed commitment to free trade." But Kerry's ugly rhetoric risks alienating our allies and making America a pariah in the world. It's enough to make you nostalgic for Bill Clinton.
Mr. Populist
While John Kerry rails against "Benedict Arnold" corporations, their money is good enough for him, the Washington Post reports:
Kerry has accepted money and fundraising assistance from top executives at companies that fit the candidate's description of a notorious traitor of the American Revolution.
Executives and employees at such companies have contributed more than $140,000 to Kerry's presidential campaign, a review of his donor records shows. Additionally, two of Kerry's biggest fundraisers, who together have raised more than $400,000 for the candidate, are top executives at investment firms that helped set up companies in the world's best-known offshore tax havens, federal records show.
Meanwhile, the Boston Herald reports that Kerry "used an appraisal pegging the value of his Beacon Hill townhouse at twice the amount listed on City Hall records in order to get the $6.4 million loan he needed to resuscitate his presidential bid":
The Kerry campaign says the elegant Louisburg Square townhouse that Kerry shares with is millionaire wife, Teresa Heinz Kerry is worth $12.8 million--exactly double the Christmas Eve mortgage the senator got from Mellon Bank.
But Boston's Assessing Department puts the value of the swank, five-story mansion--with six fireplaces, five bedrooms, a private elevator and roofdeck--at $6.6 million as of Jan. 1, 2003. The assessed value actually dropped from 2002's figure of $6.95 million.
Presumably Kerry and his better half pay taxes on the lower assessed value of the house. But give him this: Anyone who lives in a house with only six fireplaces surely understands the hardships of the common man.
Kerry's Mystery Tour
We're still scratching our head over this sentence, which appeared at the end of an Associated Press dispatch about John Kerry's narrow victory over Dennis Kucinich in Tuesday's Hawaii caucuses:
In a statement, Kerry said the win in Hawaii was nostalgic because it's the last place in America he stopped before heading to Vietnam.
Vietnam? That seems like a strange place to go. Does anyone know what he was doing there?
'Among the Worst Chairs in History'
Writing in the Yale Daily News, Boris Volodarsky reports that John Kerry, who as a Yale undergraduate was active in the Yale Political Union, was "lackluster" in that role:
The Yale Liberal Party, of which I am a member and John Kerry used to be chairman, passes on many unpleasant stories about him. According to Liberal Party lore, Kerry was among the worst chairs in its history. Jorge Dominguez, currently a professor at Harvard and a member of Kerry's Liberal Party Executive Board, reports that under Kerry's leadership the party went on YPU probation. Probation means that the party's leader could not get enough of the party's members to sign a YPU attendance roster. Although getting people to sign in turns out to be a surprisingly arduous job, very few chairmen fail to do it in the end. Not getting enough signatures suggest one of two things: either the chairman faced some unfortunate circumstances or he has some personality problems. According to Dominguez, Kerry's leadership caused his probation.
It makes for an interesting contrast with the collegiate George W. Bush, whom Michael Segal describes as "the know-'em-all":
His Yale classmates claim that he knew everyone in their undergraduate class, and one can almost believe this was literally true. . . . He didn't know just the names--classmates marvel about how he could sum up each person's essence with great insight and humor.
"Recently," Volodarsky notes, "Kerry mentioned that George Bush remains the same guy he was in college." That of course doesn't mean Kerry is the same guy he was, though there are indications he may be. In today's New York Times, reporter Adam Nagourney describes an editorial board meeting with Kerry as a less than inspiriting affair:
More than once, Mr. Kerry's answers would wander down the tracks, thick with the Washingtonese that he had moments earlier said had been purged from his speech, as his listeners sunk deeper into their seats. An aide seated near him did not try to hide a yawn or two.
At least the listeners weren't sinking deeper into one of the worst chairs in history. The Times today endorses Kerry lukewarmly:
We wish we could see a little of the political courage of the Vietnam hero who came back to lead the fight against the war. . . . He can take the edge off his patrician aura, at least in part, by retelling the story of his Vietnam exploits and bringing back loyal blue-collar friends from the service to attest to his virtues as a leader.
There's that Vietnam thing again. Will someone please explain to us what this is all about? We're starting to feel left out; it's like there's a big joke and everyone gets it but us.
They Were Right the First Time
On Tuesday President Bush urged Congress to pass "an amendment to our Constitution defining and protecting marriage as a union of man and woman as husband and wife." This is a slight change from the position he took during the 2000 campaign, when, in a February debate in South Carolina, he told moderator Larry King that the definition of marriage is a state matter:
Bush: I'm going to stand up and say I don't support gay marriage. I support marriage between men and women.
King: So if a state were voting on gay marriage, you would suggest to that state not to approve it?
Bush: The state can do what they want to do. . . . In my state of Texas, if we tried to have gay marriage, I would campaign against it.
Dick Cheney expressed similar sentiments in an October debate with Joe Lieberman: "I think different states are likely to come to different conclusions and that's appropriate. I don't think there should necessarily be a federal policy in this area."
In his comments Tuesday, Bush didn't expressly back Rep. Marilyn Musgrave's Federal Marriage Amendment, which would prevent states from establishing same-sex marriage even via the democratic process. We'd say he left the door open to our proposed amendment, which would prevent federal judges from imposing same-sex marriage on the country while leaving states free to enact it if they wish.
If he walks through that door, John Kerry will be in an uncomfortable position. Kerry claims to support "states' rights" on marriage, but he voted against the Defense of Marriage Act, a statute aimed at protecting precisely those rights. If the debate were over a states' rights amendment, he would be forced to choose between his stated position and his most extreme supporters.
Not That There's Anything Wrong With That!
"I am not gay, but I respect the rights of gays and lesbians. It's not their fault if God makes them born like that."--King Norodom Sihanouk of Cambodia, quoted in London's Daily Telegraph, Feb. 25
But Only Marxists of the Same Sex
"Homosexual Activists Like Marxists"--headline, Michael Savage column, WorldNetDaily, Feb. 25
If She Were Republican, This Would Be Hate Speech--XVI
Rep. Corinne Brown of Florida, a member of the Congressional Black Caucus, threw a racist tantrum yesterday, the Associated Press reports. She called President Bush's Haiti policy "racist" and his administration "a bunch of white men":
Her outburst was directed at Assistant Secretary of State Roger Noriega during a closed-door meeting on Capitol Hill. Noriega, a Mexican-American, is the State Department's top official for Latin America. . . .
Brown sat directly across the table from Noriega and yelled into a microphone. Her comments sent a hush over the hourlong meeting, which was attended by about 30 people, including several members of Congress and Bush administration officials.
Noriega later told Brown: "As a Mexican-American, I deeply resent being called a racist and branded a white man," according to three participants.
Brown then told him "you all look alike to me," the participants said.
Noriega told Brown he would relay her comments about "white men" to Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice.
Leno Imitates Us
" 'The leader of the most powerful country on earth is not embarrassed to say these deceptions and lies. . . .' The words of John Kerry? John Edwards? Dennis Kucinich? Al Sharpton? Nope, nope, nope and nope. Here's a hint: The speaker is a medical doctor. No, not Howard Dean. It's al Qaeda No. 2 Ayman al-Zawahri, or at least a recorded voice purporting to be his."--Best of the Web Today, Feb. 24
"In Iraq, a man believed to be a lieutenant of Osama bin Laden has released an audiocassette in which he reportedly mocks President Bush. So apparently he's running for president too, I guess."--Jay Leno, "The Tonight Show," Feb. 24
He Was Going to Balance the Federal Budget, Remember?
"One-time presidential candidate Howard Dean, whose campaign fund went from boom to bust, is pleading with donors to open their pocketbooks one more time and help him retire at least $400,000 in debt."--Associated Press, Feb. 25
Our Friends the Saudis
"Saudi Arabia, normally a byword for stern and puritanical sobriety, is preparing to show the world its jollier side by issuing visas to tourists," reports London's Guardian. "At present they are issued only for employment, pilgrimages and other approved visits, and can be difficult to obtain. Tourist visas will be introduced within a few weeks, officials quoted by the daily Arab News in Jeddah said."
But not everyone can visit, as the official Saudi Tourism Web site notes:
Visas will not be issued for the following groups of people:
An Israeli passport holder or a passport that has an Israeli arrival/departure stamp.
Those who don't abide by the Saudi traditions concerning appearance and behaviors. Those under the influence of alcohol will not be permitted into the Kingdom.
There are certain regulations for pilgrims and you should contact the consulate for more information.
Jewish People
Jews and drunks need not apply: Has it occurred to the guys at Qorvis Communications, the Saudis' fancy Washington public relations firm, that their clients might be better off if they made an effort to sound less like Nazis?
Here's a suggestion the Qorvis folks should feel free to steal from us: Have the Saudis sponsor an essay contest on the theme "Saudi Arabia, Tourist Paradise," and use the winning entry to promote Saudi tourism in an American's words. First prize could be a week in Saudi Arabia, all expenses paid. Second prize: two weeks in Saudi Arabia.
Leave It to Beevers
" 'If we knew where Osama bin Laden was we'd already have him,' Lieutenant Colonel Matt Beevers told a news briefing in Kabul yesterday."--Reuters, Feb. 26
Blame America First
How's this for gratuitous anti-Americanism? From Don Lattin's review of "The Passion of the Christ" in the San Francisco Chronicle: "At the time, the Jewish world was in turmoil. . . . They all were trying to survive under the forces of an imperial occupation--not unlike the Sunnis and the Shiites amid the chaos of today's Iraq."
Our Sanguinary Neighbors to the North
From an article in the Toronto Globe and Mail:
Sherry Nelligan, a Toronto mother of a 16-year-old girl and a 14-year-old boy, thinks she "probably would take the kids to The Passion of the Christ." Nelligan is a Mennonite--a denomination with a strong pacifist tradition--as well as a social worker, the founder of Gender Equality Inc. and a member of a church committee. "Knowing my kids . . . they're pretty street smart and inquisitive. The violence in the movie wouldn't be much different from the violence they see every day. . . ."
This just goes to show you how dangerous gun control is. With Torontons unable to obtain firearms for self-defense, criminals are free to run riot, flogging and crucifying people every day.
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The Civil War Is Finally Over
"Georgia Leader Plans Close Ties With U.S."--headline, Washington Times, Feb. 26
This Is Shocking
"Six Children Charged With Battery on Bus"--headline, Associated Press, Feb. 25
The Dry Cleaner Gave Up on It
"Disney Asks Judge to Throw Out Pooh Suit"--headline, Associated Press, Feb. 25
Zero-Tolerance Watch
In Birmingham, Ala., the Sun Valley Elementary School hit nine-year-old Austin Crittenden with a suspension of indeterminate length for bring a handgun to school. Make that a "handgun"--it was actually a tiny toy "that accompanied a G.I. Joe action figure." Austin's grandmother Vicki Stewart tells the Birmingham News, "It's about an inch long," and adds that the principal "had to tape it to a piece of paper to keep from losing it."
It's the Eponymy, Stupid
We've heard from a few readers who don't care for this feature and wish we would stop it. Hey, we feel your pain, and we promise it'll come to an end as soon as we think of something else to write about.
Meanwhile, here are some names that don't exactly inspire confidence: the Glaze brothers (Robert is an optometrist, Paul is an optician) of Bellevue, Wash., the Maul Body Shop of Kearney, Neb., The Dick Witham chain of Iowa car dealerships and the Welsh Income Tax Service of Hayward, Calif.
Berryville, Va., has a funeral home called Enders, and there's an Arizona dentist named Paul Fillmore. Fillmore is a Mormon, making him an LDS DDS. The author of a book called "Santa Claus: Is He for Your Child" is John Hoh (he's also an occasional contributor to this column).
WebMD reports that a company called Enhance Biotech is developing a pill "to treat rapid ejaculation--the new name for premature ejaculation, one of the most common sexual disorders in men." The company's CEO is Chris Early.
A kerfuffle has emerged at Nothern Arizona University in Flagstaff, where the school paper, the Lumberjack, published a pre-Valentine's Day article by one Claire Fuller explaining how to perform oral sex. The Associated Press quotes the Lumberjack's faculty adviser as saying of the piece, "I read it quickly on deadline and had mentioned that I was not completely comfortable with it." Perhaps what troubled the adviser was the nongenerative nature of the erotic act in question, since his name is Rob Breeding. |
