Penni, you do have things buttoned down! So much understanding and hope in your words. But I disagree that the total bliss is random and unpredictable.
My pal jfred is lurking in the wings [with more Prozac] and I can't allow that it is random. I'm part way through rescuing him from the leering fear of superstition and the Dog theory espoused over in "Ask God", me telling him things are not random, but certainly unknowable. Neither are things unpredictable. Why, I can see them coming from all the way out in front of me. Being more precise, about 10 centimetres, right between my eyes.
I can understand the Ballerina. I try to let that passion flow. Without wishing to bore Lady Christiane again with the story, I was once a famous international actor in Antwerp. More specifically a bit player in a pantomime called Babes in the Wood. I was a King and a Juggler and [no laughing or disparaging remarks please] a member of a schoolgirl ballet. Just to ensure you understand, we were about 10 males dressed in schoolgirl uniforms and we didn't exactly do ballet, but it was carefully choreographed. I had never had anything to do with these things, thinking of kids in school playing violins, going in plays and stuff as pretty drippy. Real kids went fishing, riding bikes, swimming in the ocean and stuff.
The Director said to do the dance just as carefully as we could. No clowning around. He said it would be better like that. Well we practised and practised. Boy were we good. Really. I was impressed by us. The audience laughed like I haven't heard people laugh. It seemed odd at the time because we were really doing well and concentrating. Later we saw a video and I could hardly believe it!!
What a heavy, inflexible, faintly mistimed, coarse, ungainly parody of ballet it was. It was a riot. We danced we sang, we were Kings and courtiers, thieves and vagabonds, lovers and children. We did two performances, one in Antwerp, one in Brussels.
The next day, driving to work, the world was so flat. And dull.
I can see how the Ballerina would feel the joy of her body and the audience. The uplift of imagination and freedom.
I'm seeking Nirvana. I think I see it coming.
I hope you have the happiness you deserve.
Maurice
[Meanwhile - another bunch of New Zealanders will never return from the Himalayas - born to be free and seek their highest dreams] |
