The SI Academy Awards - Best Posters Message Board

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Pastimes : The SI Academy Awards - Best Posters

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To: Stiltskin who wrote ()	4/9/1997 11:47:00 PM
From: Michael Sphar	of 34

I'd like to take this opportunity to share with all of you my nomination for the most humorous analytical post by a mail(le) poster: by JFred Quinnelly. Here it is in its entirety for your enjoyment: Subject: The Official Guide To GOOFS \| Previous \| Next \| Respond \| To: Christine Grace Bartley (393 ) From: JF Quinnelly Aug 3 1996 11:38PM EST Reply #459 of 2274 >Volvo looks interesting. I've been pondering this Volvo thing since I saw a chow dog pissing on one this morning. Sure, no one is getting killed in Volvos. Because no one is driving them. Let's do some serious analysis of the potential market for Volvos. Can you picture any self-respecting Generation X'er with a tatoo and nipple-ring puttering around in a Volvo? I thought not. Can you see Beavis and Butt-head lusting after a sleek and powerful Volvo? Let's get real. So what we_do_know is that Volvos are cars for fuddy-duddies, for super-annuated '60s peaceniks. "Oh", you protest, "but look how many of them there are! They are the Baby-Boomers! They are the pig in the demographic python!" Tschaa!!! No way! We're talking McGovern voters, not the whole herd of 'Boomers. McGovern only won one state! How many do you think there are? Do you think Bill and Hillary and their corporate piranha yuppie pals are going to drive Volvos? Not! We're talking Lexus, Infinity, Big Beemer, Mercedes Benz!! Now if we are going to see just how big the potential market is for these frumpy Swedish sleds, we ought to find out how many pairs of Birkenstocks are sold each year. And even that won't help. These Volvonauts don't even drive them. They park them in the driveway and feel guilty. They walk. They ride bikes. They carpool. Clueless yuppie friend, face the bitter truth: whale-huggers are a useless target audience. Volvo is not a GOOF: it is a TWIT: Totally Worthless Investment Theme. Put your money elsewhere. jfred.

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