"What the heck is this dividend thingie?"
Sort of weird gettin' paid for being so politically incorrigible, ain't it? Could probably think of this as a kind of money fund. Sort of like the states like to think of the settlement money. Safe haven while this frantic nasd market uses up it's cheap gas reserves.
Don't go encouraging me to buy any if you want the fuse lit. That'd be like a terminal diagnosis. No, I'll just keep preppin' my crow and humble pie. They're still legal, right? Note: no actual crows will be harmed.
As for my children, they'll just have to learn about smokin' the same way I did. By sneaking out into the shed or taking a hike in the woods. Hopefully they'll attain the same dizzy, gut-wrenching, let-me-die-now green color I did once and never touch 'baccy again. Oops! I mean let's hope they become polypakperday puffers and spread the good word to all their buds. Guess I'll have to do my part by buying a pack and leave it laying around. It's the responsible thing to do. Oh, and matches. Don't know if it'll have the same allure if I don't sit around puffing on one all the time. Damn, don't tell me I have to start smoking if I really want to be a righteous dad. Parenting is so self-sacrificing. Oh well. What's a little nicotine addiction, yellow teeth, leathery skin, ashtray stench, chronic cough, 2nd hand smoke, "increased risk of lung cancer and heart disease" when you're talking about your precious young'ns? Now, Winston or Marlboro? Hmmmmm.
What's (if it ain't just the dividend, which is reason enough) prompting you to buy into this? It sure as hell ain't the MAs. It ain't the OBV. Must be all the bad news and hate making this, like, the ultimate GOOF. Right? Or, have you been smoking something? |
