Obama to Nation: I’m Really Freaked Out Right Now
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By Scott Ott on U.S. News
(2010-06-15) — In his first televised address to the nation from the Oval Office, President Barack Obama will reportedly tell Americans Tuesday night that the ongoing Gulf oil spill crisis has him “paralyzed with fear, and feeling absolutely overwhelmed,” according to White House sources who have reviewed a draft of the speech.
“I’m really freaked out right now,” the president will reportedly state from behind his desk. “It’s a gusher, and there’s not a thing I can do about it. I feel like a failure. I want to scream or kick something, or eat an entire container of moose tracks ice cream at one sitting. Sometimes I just curl up in the fetal position and ask Michelle, or Robert Gibbs, to hold me.”
White House sources said the speech would not only lay out a clear plan for the continuing federal disaster response, and a comprehensive approach to U.S. energy policy, but would “connect with viewers emotionally in a way that only President Obama can do.”
“The phone keeps ringing — sometimes here in the Oval Office, but mostly on the golf course — and people expect that I’ll know what to do,” the president will say. “But I don’t know what to do. I’ve never had an executive job in my life. What do they want from me? I know I have to put on a brave face for the public, but sometimes I just can’t stop sobbing. You know what I mean?”
The president plans to tell the nation that he just needs “a little me time” away from the crushing demands of work, and he’s “thinking about renting an RV and just hitting the road, eating at truck stops, listening to country music and sleeping at KOA campgrounds.”
In related news, President Obama today announced he has “suspended indefinitely” his personal moratorium on cigarette smoking.
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