To be a Liberal,you have to believe that..... Message Board

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Politics : To be a Liberal,you have to believe that.....

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To: c.horn who wrote ()	9/26/1999 8:51:00 AM
From: long-gone	Read Replies (1) of 6418

A great Must Read: Posterior friction blamed for cyclists? drop in I.Q. Now that its September, still the warmer part of winter, and we don't yet have the freezy skid stuff to drive around on, you would think driving in Bozeman is not exciting. Not so. Now that the university is in session, we have the knights and knightesses and some who are questionable on their two-wheel chargers careening in and out of traffic. I stopped for the red light at the comer of Willson and Mendenhall. Girl rode her bike past me onto Mendenhall without stopping. Car on Mendenhall that had the green light, skidded to a stop before it mooshed her. She thanked the driver for not mooshing her by showing him her nail polish on her middle finger. The same day, saw a bicyclist come down off of South Third onto College Street without stopping. He was still pedaling as he rode into the right rear wheel of an eastbound three-quarter ton Suburban. Three possibilities: 1) The quick loss in altitude as he came down the hill caused cranial destratification retarding neuron travel in his already malfunctioning brain resulting in delay of motor function reflexes; or 2) He is suicidal; or 3) He is really dumb. He got up off the pavement and picked up pieces of his Walkman, retrieved bicycle frame and front wheel and started to limp off. I asked him if he needed a ride to the Emergency Room for a checkup. He yelled at me to go sexually penetrate myself. He phrased it differently. The lady driver of the Suburban asked him for his address and name. He called her a sexually active canine mother only he put it more concisely. I told the lady I was going to get my vehicle and assist this guy in his suicide mission by performing lethal bumper surgery on him. With a strong grip and calming words, she talked me out of my doctor/surgeon Kevorkian mode. I figured out what causes the loss of brain function when a person hops on a bike. It's the bicycle seat. Everybody rides a bike a little differently, but they all sit on the seat the same and with the same part of their anatomy. The constant friction, stimulation and pressure on the seat causes an anatomy transferal whereby the person, in their mind, becomes the part they are sitting on. They become Anatomy Substitution Syndromers or A.S.S.es for short. Seems very few bicyclists are not affected. So the next time you have an encounter of the worst kind with a bicyclist, remember, it's not the devil that made them do it -- it's the bicycle seat. Jerry Mathisen Box 4514 Bozeman www3.gomontana.com

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