An Actual Letter to the Passport Office
Dear Sirs:
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe
this. How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and
knows that I bought a tv cable from them back in 1997, and yet, the
Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand? My birth date you have on
my social security card, and it is on all the income tax forms I've
filed for the past 30 years. It is on my health insurance card, my
driver's license, on the last eight goddamn passports I've had, on all
those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being
allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those
insufferable census forms that are done at election times.
Would somebody please ta ke note, once and for all, that my mother's
name is Maryanne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely
astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!!!!!!
I apologize, I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you an' me,
I've had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my house,
then you ask me for my f-----' address. What is going on? You have a
gang of Neanderthal assholes workin' there! Look at my damn picture. Do
I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit
sakes. I just want to go and park my ass on a sandy beach. And would
someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on
visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do
something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I'd sure as hell
not want to tell anyone!
Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the city
and get another f-------' copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of
$60. Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same
spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?? Nooooo,
that'd be too damn easy and maybe makes sense. You'd rather have us
running all over the f-------' place like chickens with our heads cut
off, then find some asshole to confirm that it's really me on the
goddamn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?!
(f-------' morons)
Hey, you know why we can't smile? We're totally pissed off! Signed - An
Irate Citizen P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and
getting someone to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in
this country since 1776 . I have served in the military for something
over 30 years and have had security clearances up the yingyang. However,
I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know, someone
like my doctor WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN COMMUNIST CHINA!
Sincerely,
You Sure In The Hell Should Know Who |
