Pre-nup essential when your guy follows the money
by Howie Carr
Wednesday, May 7, 2003
There's an old saying, nothing says love like a pre-nup.
It's the sine qua non of betrothals in Beautiful People-land, especially when one party brings considerably more assets to the table, and even more so when said party of the first part is longer in the tooth than the poverty-stricken younger May half of the May-December couple.
Come on down, pickle heiress Teresa Heinz Kerry, age 64, and bring along your boytoy, Sen. John Forbes Liveshot Kerry, a mere youth of 59.
Liveshot is running for president, and part of that drill is that your spouse has to do interviews. So when Elle magazine came calling, the garrulous granny Teresa spilled the beans in the first great quote of the 2004 Democratic campaign:
``Everybody has a pre-nup. You have to have a pre-nup. You've got to have a pre-nup. You could be as generous or as sensitive as you want. But you have to have a pre-nup.''
Translation: Teresa's heard the stories about Liveshot's bachelor days, when he was hitting everything but the third rail. Without a pre-nup, it would be financially perilous for Teresa to hook up with a male, Ivy League version of Anna Nicole Smith.
Bankrolled by Big Ketchup, Teresa's trophy husband now runs for president, mainly on his military record.
A little of that goes a very long way. And really, when you look back on Liveshot's lackluster career, his most impressive credentials aren't all those combat medals that we are now told he didn't hurl over the White House wall.
No, the one racket in which Liveshot has uniquely excelled is in marrying money. The man is a world-class gigolo. He made his money the old-fashioned way. He married it. And now he's a plutocrat Democrat.
Lightning's never supposed to strike twice, but for Liveshot it did. His first wife was a Thorn from the Philadelphia Main Line. I read once that the Thorns are - or were - worth $300 million.
And then he traded up. Teresa Heinz is worth more than double that. John Kerry's second wife got her money from her first husband, who had a trust fund.
Too bad the late Sen. Heinz didn't take his wife's advice about pre-nups, because now we wouldn't have to watch Liveshot jetting about the country as the Mike Dukakis of 2004.
But the question remains: how exactly does a Catholic Jewish Yankee from St. Paul's and Yale learn the ins and outs of the gigolo game? From the movies, perhaps? When he began courting Teresa, do you think Liveshot used that same bogus Italian accent Warren Beatty wooed Vivien Leigh with in ``The Roman Spring of Mrs. Stone''?
Whatever, Kerry got the girl - I mean, the granny. And now they're hopelessly in love. They ``relish'' one other.
As Liveshot told the magazine, ``She knows how to speak with her eyes.''
And with her checkbook. There's another old saying, Money doesn't talk, it screams.
Right now Teresa's calling the shots. But watch out, Granny. Aristotle Onassis' granddaughter, Athina, just turned 18 and inherited $2.5 billion. On her 21st birthday, she comes into another $2.5 billion. And, most importantly, Athina's single.
If the presidential race doesn't work out, I think I know what Liveshot's fallback plan is.
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