Andy Borowitz
In rare show of unity, dems vow to defeat Dean
Clark: Replace Howard With NATO troops
newsandopinion.com | Abandoning their quarrelsome, fractious ways, the leading Democratic presidential candidates made a joint appearance in Iowa today in which they unequivocally resolved to defeat former Vermont Governor Howard Dean in 2004.
"Now is the time to put our differences behind us," Rep. Richard Gephardt (D-MO) told the Davenport audience. "Now is the time to remember why we're all in this race: to defeat Howard Dean!"
Mr. Dean, who was onstage at the time, appeared to turn beet-red with anger as the other candidates voiced their determination to defeat him.
But before he could seize the microphone from Mr. Gephardt, Senator John Kerry (D-Mass) interjected, "Temper, temper, Howard!"
Mr. Dean's reputation for hotheadedness is the subject of a new campaign ad, paid for by all of the other Democratic contenders, in which the former Vermont Governor turns into the comic-book character The Incredible Hulk, angrily hurling an Army tank through the air.
The advertisement, currently broadcast in Iowa and New Hampshire, claims that when he was Governor Mr. Dean "brought Vermont to the brink of a deadly nuclear confrontation with Maine."
Some observers were surprised to see former General Wesley Clark at the anti-Dean event, since General Clark had changed his position on Mr. Dean no fewer than twelve times.
But in a statement released by his campaign today, General Clark advocated gradually replacing Howard Dean with NATO troops.
In other campaign news, one week after Sen. Kerry's motorcycle stunt on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno," a new poll shows him gaining support among voters who describe themselves as "dorks." |
