Final Shrub is doing something that is constructive and helpful to many....(:>)
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Airlift to Bosnia Announced
Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to be First Recipients
Before an emergency joint session of Congress
yesterday, President Bush announced U.S. plans to
deploy over 75,000 vowels to the war-torn region of
Bosnia. The deployment, the largest of its kind in
American history, will provide the region with the
critically needed letters A, E, I, O, U and Y, and is
hoped to render countless Bosnian words more
pronounceable.
"For six years, we have stood by while names like
Ygrjvslhv and Tzlynhr and Glrm have been horribly
butchered by millions around the world," Bush said.
"Today, the United States must finally stand up and
say, 'Enough.' It is time the people of Bosnia finally
had some vowels in their incomprehensible words. The
U.S. is proud to lead the crusade in this noble
endeavor."
The deployment, dubbed Operation Vowel Movement by the
State Department, is set for early next week, with the
Adriatic port cities of Sjlbvdnzv and Grzny slated to
be the first recipients. Two C-130 transport planes,
each carrying more than 500 boxes of "E's," will fly
from Andrews Air Force Base across the Atlantic and
airdrop the letters over the cities.
Citizens of Grzny and Sjlbvdnzv eagerly await the
arrival of the vowels. "My God, I do not think we can
last another day," Trszg Grzdnjkln, 44, said. "I have
six children, and none of them has a name that is
understandable to me or to anyone else. Mr. Bush,
please send my poor, wretched family just one 'E'."
Said Sjlbvdnzv resident Grg Hmphrs, 67: "With just a
few key letters, I could be George Humphries. This is
my dream."
If the initial airlift is successful, Bush said the
United States will go ahead with full-scale vowel
deployment, with C-130's airdropping thousands more
letters over every area of Bosnia. Other nations are
expected to pitch in as well, including 10,000 British
"A's" and 6,500 Canadian "U's." Japan, rich in A's and
O's, was asked to participate, but declined.
Linguists praise the U.S.'s decision to send the
vowels. "Vowels are crucial to construction of all
language," Baylor University linguist Noam Frankel
said. "Without them, it would be difficult to utter a
single word, much less organize a coherent sentence."
According to Frankel, once the Bosnians have vowels,
they will be able to construct such valuable sentences
as "The potatoes are ready," "I believe it will rain,"
"My house was bombed last week," and "Let's go kill
Serbs."
The airdrop represents the largest deployment of any
letter to a foreign country since 1984. During the
summer of that year, the U.S. shipped 92,000
consonants to Ethiopia, providing cities like
Ouaouoaua, Eaoiiuae, and Aao with vital, life-giving
supplies of L's, S's, and T's. The consonant-relief
effort failed, however, when vast quantities of the
letters were intercepted and hoarded by violent,
gun-toting warlords. |
