If I could write David just one more letter, this is what I would say....
Dear David,
I heard the news yesterday. As I read the words of your passing, my heart cried out, "nooooooo." I literally yelled, nooooooo, at the computer. I did not then, nor do I now want to believe you are gone from this world. In the past 24 hours I have reflected back on the friendship we shared. The memories make me smile, yet the reality of the loss opens a flood gate of tears. I know the tears are selfish for my own loss. I do take comfort in knowing that you are in a better place, where there are no tears beyond the gate.
I was telling Emily about how we first started talking online. Your first message to me was unnerving. I really had no idea who you were. I remember you telling me that you thought I was funny, and my posts made you laugh. Shortly after that you teased me about a typo I made in a post. It seems I had forgotten to put a "w" in a word. You ask me if my keyboard was missing a "w," and if it was, you would be happy to send me one. I wrote you back a long message. In that message I intentionally used every possible 'ord that contained a "w." Equally as intentionally, I left off that letter in all of the 'ords. I think from that point on, our friendship was sealed. By the way, I am still waiting for that "w"!!!
Over the years, I have picked your brain, trying to get you to recall exactly when we first communicated. I have found a message that goes pretty far back as our first communication, but what has always stumped me about that message, is neither of us could remember if you were just playing with the quote in my profile about "one way streets" or if we had actually communicated prior to that. The answer to our beginnings remains a mystery. <fond smile>
Since those early days, I could count on you for an encouraging word. There were times when I was feeling overwhelmed. You were always there. You encouraged so many aspects of my life, starting with my faith, my kids, my husband and my desire to "write." You touched my life in all those areas and more, through your kindness, understanding and compassion. For those things, I am eternally grateful.
In July of 2001, when you told me of the need for a biopsy on your mouth, I started praying. My immediate prayer was that the biopsy would come back, clean, not showing any malignancy. In the back of my mind I had an overwhelming thought. It went back to my wondering how and why we became friends. I feared that God would reveal part of the reason for our becoming friends if indeed the biopsy tested positive for cancer. I prayed hard that was not the case. That fear was based on the first hand knowledge I had in regard to cancer of the oral cavity. I did not want your life to be an area where God could use me, because of my experiences. As you knew my dad had been a cancer patient. I cried the day you told me the biopsy came back positive. I then prayed that if it were so, and it was God's plan for me to be a source of knowledge and encouragement for you, as you faced this battle. I prayed that I could be the encouragement to you in your trials, as much <or more> as you had been to me over the years. More fervently, I prayed for your recovery, for healing, for courage and for your witness. David though God choose not to heal you and has taken you as his own, your faith and courage were a great example of what it means to fully trust your life into God's hands.
I count it among my blessings to have called you my friend. This side of heaven, I will not understand why God choose to take you home when he did, but I do know that one day I will see you in heaven.
Until that time, I am thankful for a season in your path.
I love you,
Jane |
