Oh boy. I thought that the London boroughs which proclaimed themselves 'nuclear-free zones' back in the 1980s had achieved the apotheosis of council idiocy. But, no, there is better:
orlandosentinel.com
INGLIS -- When retired Tampa businessman Gene Kiger ran for Town Commission in this historic Florida fishing village, he talked about potholes, of which there are many, and a sewage-treatment plant, of which there is none.
He thought of it as a solid, down-to-earth campaign. Now, he realizes he left out a key issue: hell.
Hell? Yes.
Although Kiger won his commission seat in the election last week, he wonders what he's in for as civic leader of the 1,400 souls of this remote Levy County community 90 miles north of Tampa.
"It's frustrating," he says. "I want to talk about improving the roads, and it seems like everybody else is concerned about Satan. I mean, how can you compete with that?"
You can't, at least not in Inglis, where for the past four months the talk around Town Hall has been more metaphysical than municipal -- ever since Mayor Carolyn Risher declared war on Satan.
"I just wanted to make it crystal clear that he is not welcome here," she says.
Presumably, the devil would be an unwelcome guest in any American community, with the possible exception of parts of New Orleans and Las Vegas.
The difference is that, in Inglis, it's official. In Inglis, the ban on Beelzebub is written on town letterhead and emblazoned with the town seal. It reads, in part:
"Be it known from this day forward that Satan, ruler of darkness, giver of evil, destroyer of what is good and just, is not now, nor ever again will be, a part of this town of Inglis. Satan is hereby declared powerless, no longer ruling over, nor influencing, our citizens.
"In the past, Satan has caused division, animosity, hate, confusion, ungodly acts on our youth, and discord among our friends and loved ones. NO LONGER!"
...
She made five copies. Four were for the posts, which she and several Christian townspeople duly planted next to the highways on the outskirts of town. The other she hung on her office wall.
Vandals stole the posts two weeks ago.
"All I know is, it couldn't have been Christians who stole them. Christians don't steal," Risher says.
No matter. The minister had stronger replacements made.
Now the posts are back, planted once again on private property on the outskirts of town, mute sentinels against evil forces, painted a fire-and-brimstone orange and fortified by 4 feet of righteous, steel-reinforced concrete.
Did it work?
"Well, the police chief says it's been very quiet around here," Risher observed, hopefully.
"The posts themselves don't do anything," says Moore. "But they have done a great deal to unite the community, and to spread the name of Jesus across the world."
and so on. Bizarre. I'm sure it's spread a name, alright...
It's about the only time I've seen SatireWire's version (http://www.satirewire.com/briefs/satan.shtml) outdone by the truth. |
