David Sanders: IMing in an Obama administration
Sometime in the not-so-distant future, a president and vice president could have this instant-messaging exchange:
Picket-Fence (Vice President Joe Biden) Hey, Mr. President boy, that sure is cool to type Jill and I love life over here at Number One Observatory Circle.
PresidentBaRockStar (President Barack Obama): Good to hear.
Picket-Fence: Riding the train every night, year after year was wearing thin. Jill says I look great and she's right, but I'm no spring chicken not anymore. At least the BOTOX and hair plugs have helped on the outside.
PresidentBaRockStar: Joe, I'm burning the midnight oil here in the Oval. Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad arrives in the morning.
Picket-Fence : YEAHHHHH Mr. President, I had hoped for some face time to discuss tomorrow's summit. I know you want me working up on the Hill, but I gotta tell ya, I'm dying up here. Presiding over the Senate is awful. They won't even let me talk. Cheney and Gore didn't do this everyday. This veep gig isn't all it's cracked up to be. The chief embarrassment in discussing the office is that in explaining how little there is to say about it one has evidently said all there is to say.
PresidentBaRockStar: Joe quit plagiarizing. You copied and pasted that last line?
Picket-Fence: How'd you know? It was Woodrow Wilson.
PresidentBaRockStar: I cannot think of a better way for you to help me than to be up there, constantly reminding our former colleagues that I'm here to change Washington. Besides, the First Lady and I have everything under control at the White House. Did I tell you I moved Michelle and her staff into your West Wing office?
Picket-Fence: You did what?
Picket-Fence: You picked me for my legendary foreign policy expertise. And, if I might be frank, some of the things I'm hearing about the summit and the state dinner have me concerned.
PresidentBaRockStar: Excuse me?
Picket-Fence: Sorry sir. How should I say it ... well, God love you Mr. President, but should we be inviting your crackpot pals to the White House to be part of the greeting party?
PresidentBaRockStar: ARE YOU QUESTIONING MY JUDGMENT?
Picket-Fence: OH NO, Mr. President, I wouldn't dare do that. Did I question your decision to pardon Tony Rezko on your first day in office? NO WAY! I'm just asking you to reconsider inviting him, Bill Ayers and Rev. Wright to the White House.
PresidentBaRockStar: Sorry Joe, these guys are part of an important strategy with the Iranians.
Picket-Fence: Mr. President ...
PresidentBaRockStar: Don't "Mr. President" me! It's important that we not isolate Ahmadinejad. Ayers thinks that if he and Rezko who happens to be Syrian are by my side at the summit, Ahmadinejad will see that there's hope for two us to develop a quality relationship. As for Rev. Wright, he hates our country more than the Iranian president. He can only help.
Picket-Fence: Mr. President, I didn't see my name on any of the guest lists.
PresidentBaRockStar: About that, Michelle thought it might be best if you hung back. She thinks you're radioactive.
Picket-Fence: RADIOACTIVE?
PresidentBaRockStar: The passionate and persuasive first lady is concerned your famous "friendship" with Israel might prevent Mahmoud from opening up. No offense, but we want to play it safe.
Picket-Fence: OY VEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? Anyway, we've got BIG problems on the Hill. Mr. President, Harry (Reid), Nancy (Pelosi) and the rest of Congress are livid over you removing Iran from the list of state sponsors of terrorism. And your request to give them $4 billion in foreign aid ... I thought McCain was going to kill me when I told him about it the other day.
PresidentBaRockStar: Joe, keep doing what whatever it is you do up there on the Hill and leave the governing to me and Michelle ... and, of course, Oprah. The people want me to change America; for that matter, the world, and that's what I'm trying to do.
PresidentBaRockStar: Why don't you come down next week and smoke a cigar with me and Raul Castro? I'm giving him Guantanamo.
David Sanders writes twice weekly for the Arkansas News Bureau in Little Rock and is a host of the Arkansas Education Television Network's "Unconventional Wisdom." His e-mail address is DavidJSanders@aol.com.
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