Sharpton, Jackson Confess to Own Racism
By Komissar Blogunov
9/29/2009, 1:53 pm
In a hastily convened press conference this morning, renowned civil rights leaders Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson confessed to harboring racist attitudes themselves, something they were admittedly quick to fault in others. Both Sharpton and Jackson made brief, prepared statements before admitting themselves to the Rush Limbaugh Treatment Center in Cape Girardeau, Missouri.
Al Sharpton was the first to speak. “I always knew that anybody opposing Barack Obama for any reason was a racist. The only reason anybody spoke up at a town hall meeting to oppose health care reform was because Obama is black, period. Then it hit me."
~ "I realized that I had opposed George W Bush for eight straight years, and that he's white. That made me think maybe I've got problems, too," Sharpton said. "I looked in the mirror, and I didn't like what I saw staring back at me. I said, 'Al, you're nothing but a low down bigoted racist.' I called Brother Jesse here and told him, 'Jesse, we ain't nothing but frauds. We're just as wrong as everybody else we call racist.'"
Jesse Jackson nodded tearfully in the background, and advanced to the mike. "It's true. Sad, but true," said Mr. Jackson. "You know how bad it was? Every time I met with Bill Clinton, I would say to myself, 'You know, he's really a white boy. He's no more black than George W Bush or Condoleezza Rice.' I should've seen it then, but I was too blind to see my own faults. It was hard to say it, real hard, but once I admitted I was a racist, an extortionist, and a philanderer I started to feel better. I felt hope begin to dawn in my soul for the first time since Selma."
Mr. Jackson attempted to lead his audience in his famous Keep Hope Alive chant, but was overcome with emotion and unable to continue.
Some expressed skepticism about the apparent change of heart.
Addressing his congregation later in the afternoon, Minister Farrakhan stated his theory that, "George W Bussshhhhh has kidnapped Brothers Sharpton and Jackson. He has teleported them to Room 19, yes, 19, in the government section of the Mother Wheel where his father, former CIA director George HW Bussshhhhh, and a team of Israeli scientists have exposed them to the AIDS virus. Now take the letter 'I' two times, because there are two Bussshhhhs, and the letter 'V' and put them together and you get the letter 'W'. That means that George HW Bussshhhh may be read as George HIV Bussshhhh! The Bussshhhhs then reteleported Brothers Sharpton and Jackson back to earth at 7:19pm which is 19:19 in 24 hour time. Now, '24' is a television show that features a white man who controls America.
Obama: I will personally answer any and all prayers made on their behalf.
Sharpton and Jackson were then seen 19 feet away from the Rush Limbaugh Treatment Center which proves, yes proves, that George W Bussshhhh means to wipe out the black race with the HIV virus, and steal all of the oil in Libya from Brother Khadafy."
"Change is hard," said a supportive President Obama, "and that's what I've been saying consistently all along. Let me be clear, we are willing to go to any length necessary, even if it means bombing Israel or invading Pakistan, to make sure that these men get the best treatment other people's money can buy."
"I will personally answer any and all prayers made on their behalf," Obama added.
Sharpton and Jackson will undergo an intense regimen of sensitivity training to help them overcome their innate bigotry against whites, and are scheduled to be released in 30 days.
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