Let's see if we can clear that up. Just finish this pop quiz and we will mail you your doctorit.
1. Why?
2. In reference to your answer above, how much will it cost per politician to implement assuming it has to be be processed by the minimum number of government departments that it takes to permit an amusement park?
3. Why is it not possible to trisect every angle?
4. Apparently x^n+y^n==z^n has no integer solutions for n>2 and x,y,z!=0 .. Prove this assertion in no more than 20 lines.
5. Finish Schubert's 8th Symphony.
6. For an arts degree, write an 5000 line epic poem describing man's return to the moon. The quatrains should rhyme with your favourite swearwords. Make frequent references to popular culture in the Fiji Islands, lesbian dwarfs, and jazz rock. Plagiarize Lenny Bruce and Howard Stern freely.
7. At a reduction in gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town that has been bypassed by the interstate to breed a country-western singer?
8. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? A. ' 66 Ford Fairlane B. ' 69 Chevrolet Chevelle C. ' 64 Pontiac GTO
9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?
10. Prove beyond any doubt that psychophantic flattery, sexual favours, bribery, stealing exam papers, having rich relatives make outrageously generous endowments, political connections, blackmail and letting examining professors lay claim to groundbreaking original work that you are author of will not allow one to get a graduate degree at this university.
11. Construct a Turing machine that will balance a woman's checkbook. This is a trick question.
12. Write a folk song in Moldavian that definitively justifies man's inhumanity to man. Students will be marked on how many Moldavians commit suicide after hearing the song.
13. It has been decided by the government that to be totally fair affirmative action programs should provide incentive to minorities in a weighting system that gives a numeric score in inverse relation to their percentage in society. It has been determined that to qualify for entrance to a university program, an Anglo Saxon would require an 1Q of 180 and a Moldavian would require an IQ of 75. Does this plan reduce the standard of graduates in any way?* Write a speech for a liberal candidate averring that it will improve the standard, fudging statistics with such politically correct polemic that it will convince a sufficient number of dull normals to elect him in your congressional district.
* Who the hell knows? Let's try it. We have only our place in the world economic heirarchy to lose, and let's face it, that is already as good as lost anyway. |
