friday funnies...
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE
> LEARNED
> > > >> > > >
> > > >> > > > 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize
> > > >> > > > cats.
> > > >> > > > 2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her
> > > >> > > > brush your hair.
> > > >> > > > 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They
> > > >> > > > always catch the second person.
> > > >> > > > 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a
> > > >> > > > tomato.
> > > >> > > > 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
> > > >> > > > 6) Reading what people write on desks can teach you a
> > > >> > > > lot.
> > > >> > > > 7) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
> > > >> > > > 8) Puppies still have puppies breath, even after
> > > >> > > > eating a tic-tac.
> > > >> > > > 9) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same
> > > >> > > > time.
> > > >> > > > 10) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
> > > >> > > > 11) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of
> > > >> > > > milk.
> > > >> > > > 12) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's
> > > >> > > > lap.
> > > >> > > >
> > > >> > > >
> > > >> > > > GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED
> > > >> > > >
> > > >> > > > 1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a
> > > >> > > > tree.
> > > >> > > > 2) There is always a lot to be thankful for, if you
> > > >> > > > take the time to look. For example, I'm sitting here
> > > >> > > > thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
> > > >> > > > 3) One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of
> > > >> > > > every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a
> > > >> > > > hamstring.
> > > >> > > > 4) Car sickness is the feeling you get when the
> > > >> > > > monthly payment is due.
> > > >> > > > 5) The best way to keep kids at home is to make a
> > > >> > > > pleasant atmosphere and let the air out of their
> > > >> > > > tires.
> > > >> > > > 6) Families are like fudge . . . mostly sweet, with a
> > > >> > > > few nuts.
> > > >> > > > 7) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that
> > > >> > > > held its ground.
> > > >> > > > 8) Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.
> > > >> > > > 9) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the
> > > >> > > > fiber, not the toy.
> > > >> > > > 10) My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves
> > > >> > > > completely.
> > > >> > > > 11) If you can remain calm, you just don't have all
> > > >> > > > the facts.
> > > >> > > >
> > > >> > > >
> > > >> > > > GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
> > > >> > > >
> > > >> > > > 1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
> > > >> > > > 2) Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
> > > >> > > > 3) Forget the health food. I need all the
> > > >> > > > preservatives I can get.
> > > >> > > > 4) You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie
> > > >> > > > your shoes and wonder what else you can do while
> > > >> > > > you're down there.
> > > >> > > > 5) You're getting old when you get the same sensation
> > > >> > > > from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller
> > > >> > > > coaster.
> > > >> > > > 6) Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have
> > > >> > > > babies: They would put them down somewhere and forget
> > > >> > > > where they left them.
> > > >> > > > 7) One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of
> > > >> > > > candy can make a person gain five pounds.
> > > >> > > > 8) Every time I think about exercise, I lie down till
> > > >> > > > the thought goes away.
> > > >> > > > 9) God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number
> > > >> > > > of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live
> > > >> > > > forever.
> > > >> > > > 10) It's frustrating when you know all the answers,
> > > >> > > > but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
> > > >> > > > 11) I finally got my head together, and my body fell
> > > >> > > > apart.
> > > >> > > > 12) There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is
> > > >> > > > already full.
> > > >> > > > 13) Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy
> > > >> > > > beautician.
> > > >> > > > 14) The older you get, the tougher it is to lose
> > > >> > > > weight, because by then your body and your fat are
> > > >> > > > really good friends.
> > > >> > > > 15) Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age
> > > >> > > > comes alone.
> > > >> > > > 16) Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along
> > > >> > > > came today.
> > > >> > > > 17) Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I
> > > >> > > > regain consciousness.
> > > >> > > > 18) Amazing! You just hang something in your closet
> > > >> > > > for a while, and it shrinks two sizes.
> > > >> > > > 19) It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down
> > > >> > > > and spreads to your hips.
> > > >> > > > 20) Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.
> > > >> > > > 21) Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to
> > > >> > > > get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few
> > > >> > > > pieces of chocolate cake.
have a great weekend...
sorry, my real job comes first...
pops |
