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Thursday October 30 8:14 AM EST
Company Press Release
FBN Associates Inc. Receives ICBIAYSO*2000 Certification
SEDONA, AZ--(BOZO WIRE)--Oct. 30, 1997- FBN Associates Inc. (FBN) today announced that it has received full ICBIAYSO*2000 certification.
ICBIAYSO*2000 (I Can't Believe It's Another Y2K Stock Offering) is the world's premier certification program for companies attempting to go public on the sole basis of some remote connection to the Year 2000 crisis. The program examines the processes and methods used by companies to cloak themselves in Year 2000 mystique prior to their IPO.
FBN, a leading provider of productivity impact tools for enterprise applications, participated in a rigorous evaluation of its approach to P.R and spin control, with extensive analysis in the eleven discrete process areas deemed necessary to a successful Year 2000 stock offering. Certification indicates that FBN has the core capabilities needed to maximize existing shareholder value.
TEDennis, CEO of FBN, said, "We have already made claims about achieving a leadership position in the Year 2000 solution marketplace and establishing our FBN*2000 toolset as the software of choice for repairing, cleansing, flossing, peeling, de-veining, engineering, re-engineering, de-engineering, re-de-engineering and totally un-engineering, all computer software applications on all platforms. They can run but they cannot hide. Of course, after they have been remediated by our toolset, many applications won't run at all. Resistance is futile."
Fulov S. Hite, spokesperson for ICBIAYSO*2000, said, "We believe FBN has made claims no other company can make. They have built a level of awareness and excitement around the company that is quite incredible. They make some of the other recent Y2K IPO's look like amateurs. This one is gonna be off the charts, like, number one with a bullet, baby! They will be up there with the big three, Intel, Microsoft and Ovis."
Janice Shell, of lead underwriters Skruem & Leevum, said, "Too many Y2k hopefuls are backing into public shell companies. Despite my personal affection for the phrase "shell company", and notwithstanding the many fine shell companies we have sitting on the shelf here at S&L, we think the public deserves to get a piece of this one directly. Our anticipation at S&L is at a fever pitch. This is not just another deal for us. We've even had special FBN T-shirts printed for our staff, bearing the immortal words of Rod McKuen, who alone can really express our feelings about this transaction:"
"I think sometimes that I'll explode
that I'll die or disappear
before I have the chance
to sell you this stock.
Don't let it be today." |
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