Every Company In The World Warns!
Every Company In The World (NASD: ECH!), which is involved in some vague unidentifiable way with technology, warned today that it will fall short of its first-quarter goal of 100% growth. "I beg your pardon," said interim CEO, Joe Anonymous, "I never promised you a rose garden.... Hey, that's kind of catchy." Anonymous now says his earlier guidance was not a "projection" but rather a "wild guess." "Problem was," said Anonymous, "that I was using one of those on-line calculators at www.add-it-up.com. It looked like a dinosaur - really cool. But I mistook the T-rex key for 'add', it should have been 'subtract'." Asked if there would be a recovery by the fourth quarter, Anonymous said, "not in the fourth quarter, but maybe in the fifth or sixth quarter. I'll have to check it out on my calculator". Long-term Anonymous is bullish. "I can't imagine anything people would rather spend their money on than our products," he said, as he smoked a cigarette and downed a popular prescription anti-depressant with a glass of diet soda. |
