The decay of gratitude
[Francis] Flynn asserts that immediately after one person performs a favor for another, the recipient of the favor places more value on the favor than does the favor-doer. However, as time passes, the value of the favor decreases in the recipient's eyes, whereas for the favor-doer, it actually increases. Although there are several potential reasons for this discrepancy, one possibility is that, as time goes by, the memory of the favor-doing event gets distorted, and since people have the desire to see themselves in the best possible light, receivers may think they didn't need all that much help at the time, while givers may think they really went out of their way for the receiver...
Comments
Gratitude has to decay, especially if it's a favor that can't be reciprocated in kind or in magnitude. Otherwise it would hang around the neck of the favor recipient like an albatross, a burden, an itch that can't be scratched, perhaps even a source of resentment.
Very often a favor is merely a catalyst. If I lend you a bit of money so you don't need to drop out of school, and then you go on to graduate and have a successful career, can I really take credit for all of that, or was it mostly your own hard work?
Gratitude should be very much like mourning: a short period of strong feelings that fade when you feel ready to move on, although you might pause every once in a while and remember.
Posted by: at Jun 17, 2008 10:52:51 AM
How does this intersect with Ben Franklin's advice that to ingratiate yourself with someone, ask them to do a favor for you and they'll come to believe they did it because they like you?
Posted by: Noumenon at Jun 17, 2008 11:48:59 AM
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