WOW! This is a sizzling Op/ED (Hat tip to jjkirk)
The Five-Year Plan for the Democratic Party
Behind Liberal Lines
January 25, 2005
Sara Townsley
As barking moonbats have hijacked the Democratic Party, the policy debates that used to separate Democrats from Republicans have shifted right. Now, they frame disagreements only within the Republican Party, distinguishing the liberal Schwarzeneggers from the conservative Santorums. Meanwhile, Democrats are off cultivating the leftist lunatic fringe, attractive only to the historically challenged and to those who genuinely regard some shade of communism as a viable option. I decline to call them "liberals," because they're not.
Thus, it's next to impossible to have any kind of reasoned debate with most Democrats anymore. Try it. Proffer any reasonable, non-Marxist policy goal -- tighter border security, tax cuts, tort reform, protecting against our enemies -- and accusations of racism, fascism, warmongering, and/or corporate gluttony are all you'll get. Yawn. It's so predictable, some geek invented The Lefterator to save us all the trouble (www.spinline.net/cy/lefterator.pl), which at least is funny. A sampling:
"As Norman Mailer pointed out, Colin Powell's parade of lies represents the repudiation of international law in order to bring about this calamity brought to us by a horrific onslaught, known as Shock and Awe. Let us never forget that Bush's argument for war leads our attention to the resurgence of White Supremacist ideologies. It appears that the unstated purpose of this war brings forth the result of a pre-fascist atmosphere in America. This suggests that Donald Rumsfeld's worldview provides a pretext for the slaughter of thousands of children by Air Force cluster bombs."
If you're nodding enthusiastically, consider that a software program assembled that paragraph from fragments of well-worn leftie memes. But that's all the Democratic Party stands for anymore, so it's really no surprise that Democrats bet all their presidential marbles on a no-shit communist collaborator who always had "a plan," but never deigned to reveal what it was. And pundits' post-election introspection promises more of the same hilarious fumbling. I mean, incisive strategy. Dems, don't worry about the true believers; winning the next election depends on capturing undecided voters. So, here are some approaches that are sure to resonate:
Democratic strategist Bob Beckel recently opined that "star power" is what Democrats need in 2008. Absolutely. Americans listen obediently when any glitzy, sheltered high-school dropout in Hollywood weighs in on the intricacies of foreign policy. We don't recall how Jimmy Stewart, Clark Gable, Ernest Borgnine, Kirk Douglas, Steve McQueen, and many other WWII-era stars unhesitatingly walked away from their comfortable lives to enlist and fight. We eat it up when Susan Sarandon and her son Tim Robbins pontificate from atop Olympus about their patriotic duty to undercut morale and propagandize for the enemy. We're not worthy!
Another surefire approach is for Democratic leaders to wax hysterical about vote fraud in states they lost, but ignore it in states they won. Not only do Americans admire hypocrisy, we adore fictional complaints lodged by interested parties, especially when they tie up the business of Congress. Sen. Barbara Boxer (D-Calif.) was the first to challenge the certification of electoral votes in over a century -- on the basis of largely imaginary concerns that weren't enough to overcome Bush's margin in Ohio anyway. Meanwhile, Americans aren't concerned at all about the actual, real, documented fraud under investigation in Wisconsin and Washington State, in the form of more votes than registered voters. We abhor sportsmanship and believe in winning by any means necessary. Keep setting a sterling example, and surely the (real) votes will follow!
Further, Americans revere filthy rich magnates who fund anti-American causes. So Dems should be sure to nurture their association with folks like George Soros, who has pledged millions to "invest in the intellectual future" of the left. ("The Soros Lefterator: Now With 33 Percent More Indoctrinating Power!") And keep Teresa Heinz Kerry close, who deliciously uses a dead Republican's money to finance the Tides Foundation, which in turn backs groups like the National Lawyers Guild (a communist front) and the International Action Center, which has supported genocidal dictators Slobodan Milosevic and Kim Jong-Il. Americans definitely wish more unearned wealth would find its way into the pockets of fiery, unhinged radicals.
Also, pick Howard Dean to chair the Democratic National Committee. Americans are wild for his zany persona and his spirited opposition to ... pretty much everything. Leadership like Dean's will ensure that these recommendations are fully implemented, and then Dems can put America's true strengths to work: bumper stickers, bloggertisements, and dreadlocked Deaniacs. All he has to do is enchant voters with a catchy slogan, neato websites, and that dorky but charming holler. What a cutie. I'm energized already!
Alas, Democrats should also draw up contingency plans should they fail again. Here's one idea: send the loser to a combat zone to harangue the troops, two-thirds of whom voted for the other guy. On Jan. 6, John Kerry traveled to Baghdad, where he trashed the commander-in-chief for making "horrendous judgments" and "unbelievable blunders," which is exactly what Iran is saying. No doubt Kerry's audience was delighted to hear him imply, again, that their hazardous duty, separation from families, and gritty living conditions are endured pointlessly. The two million or so in uniform, and several million more family members and veterans, simply adore grandstanding politicians who denigrate their sacrifices, and hand the bad guys a propaganda victory in the process.
I have many more suggestions to guarantee a Democratic win in 2008, but space limits me to these for now. In short, Dem leaders should be sure to keep (1) smearing half the country as extremists; (2) insinuating that some dark, Neo-con J-o-o-o-o Conspiracy has defense and foreign policy in its nefarious grip; and (3) never, ever, consider the possibility that Americans heard their message just fine, but consciously rejected it. March to victory, comrades!
Sara Townsley is a graduate student in BMCB. Behind Liberal Lines appears Tuesdays.
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